womb for rent; FDA approved

a journey never forgotten...

2008-09-11T14:46:00.001-07:00

First off, I want to just express to James and Jill how sorry I am for your loss. My heart breaks for you and I'm so sorry that things didn't work out as planned. I wanted that uneventful and boring pregancy that I had with the boys for you, but unfortunately that just isn't what happened.

For those of you that don't know but have probably guessed after reading that, we miscarried the lil' baby on Tuesdsay night. Very sad situation for all involved. I think the worst part of all was having to tell Jill the sad news.

A big thank you to all that have been following and encouraging us along the way. It's been fun keeping up with the blog and I've come to learn that we had more followers than I thought.

Also, a big thanks to the Kecks , the future Alipaz's, and the Triggy's for being with us on Tuesday night and taking care of me and Scotty and sticking around at the hospital to the wee hours of the morning. Kasey - a big thank you to you for everything. I must say, you definitely are cut out to be a nurse so keep at it girl!! Oh, and your brownies are the perfect medicine.

And to my wonderful husband...words can't even describe the gratitude I have in my heart for you. I think I have fallen in love with you all over again. You have sacrificed so much in the last couple of months and have never complained once. You've supported me through everything. On Tuesday night, I saw your deep love for me which brought tears to my eyes. You handled the situation better than I ever could have imagined. I love you so much! And thank you for everything. I love you more than any burrito.

I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around all that has happened. It's been a pretty crazy couple days. But this was an amazing journey and I feel so blessed that Jill and James trusted me with their lil' embryos and it saddens me that i wasn't able to carry full term and give them the baby they so badly desired. But I believe the Lord has a purpose for everything even though we have NO idea what it could possibly be.

I'm praying for you James and Jill and pray that you would have peace in this horrible situation! Love you guys!!! And like you said in the card in the flowers - although this journey is over, we have gained friends...lifelong ones...!!

...174bpm

2008-09-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

I had another ultrasound today and Melissa (the AWESOME ultrasound technician) said everything looks great. Baby is measuring right on schedule and is measuring perfectly. For those of you that are good with measurements, baby is measuring 2.23cm from head to rump. Heartbeat was up to 174bpm which is perfect. So everything looks great and Melissa (AWESOME ultrasound technician) even gave me permission to call Jill during the ultrasound so she could hear the heartbeat. She was so thrilled to hear the heartbeat. Unfortunately I forgot the camera AGAIN but Melissa (AWESOME ultrasound technician) grabbed her phone and we got the heartbeat and baby on video. Melissa is still trying to send it to me and hopefully it'll come through. So far it hasn't yet.

So, we learned today that baby is looking great and perfect and Melissa is an AWESOME Ultrasound technician! LOL.

...the not so smart pregnant chick

2008-08-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

That would be me...

I was talking to my friend Jen today, kind of complaining about the nausea I've been having with this pregnancy, etc. She was feeling sorry for me and totally knew what I was going through as she was one that had a really hard time with morning sickness. She was even put on some heavy meds to help her get through the nausea. Well, we were talking and I was telling her that nothing sounded good to me. I told her how we went to dinner last night and after dinner, I didn't feel all that great and even today, I haven't been able to bring myself to eat anything 'cos nothing sounds good. I proceeded to tell her about a beautiful picnic we had at a winery on Saturday (way to go Rachel) and we had these lil' sanny's with cheeses, etc on them. Oh, it was so good - good enough that I went out and bought some more cheeses on Monday 'cos I was obsessing over them. I told her what they were - soft cheeses - and she just about freaked out on me. She was like "Zann, don't you know, pregnant ladies aren't supposed to eat soft cheese." Obviously I didn't 'cos I was eating them on both Saturday and on Monday. She then went and grabbed one of her magazine's that she just got and read to me what I couldn't eat again. Soft cheese was on there.

But here's the good thing, the soft cheeses that they were referring to were cheeses like brie and goat cheeses that are not pasteurized. I grabbed my cheeses out of the fridge and thankfully, all of my cheeses were pasteurized. So, I don't have to throw them away or go take them to Rachel.

You're really deprived of some things when your pregnant and it seems like there's always something new you can't eat. Before it was like "don't drink, don't smoke and you should be fine." Now it's, "don't drink caffeine, no deli meat, no tuna, no soft cheese, no raw fish..." Geez, where's all the fun people? LOL...I'm kidding.

Jill will be glad so I'll post it here - the nausea is still here. I hate it but at the same time, I take it as a welcome sign 'cos it means my body is still making a nice lil' home for baby. Jill likes it (but hates it for my benefit) 'cos it gives her reassurance as well.

My booty...oh man! Last night was bad. I kind of wanted to cry. And for those that know me, I'm not someone that cries a lot or gives into pain. Heck, I walked on a broken ankle with 3 torn ligaments for a year before the Dr's finally did exploratory surgery to find out why I was still saying it hurt. Scotty and I were watching TV and I couldn't get comfortable. The injection sites are starting to burn a lil' during and after the shots. Don't know why but last night was bad. Hoping tonight is a lil' better.

Alright - enough blabbing from me.

...nothing exciting

2008-08-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give all of you an update of real nothingness.

Nothing new is really happening with me which sounds kind of boring. But a boring pregnancy is a good pregnancy in my opinion. I go in next Tuesday for another U/S which is always exciting and I'm going to take my camera this time and record the hearbeat. And if I can, I'll post it on here as well.

I do go this Friday for my last progesterone check bloodwork. If all is well, I get to stop the progesterone on Sunday or Monday - one of the two. So, that's good news as well. My butt has become so numb I don't even care where the shots happen, where as before, I would make sure to find a good spot. Tylenol has been helping with the soreness 'cos it was even hurting to walk. Now it just hurts when I bump into something with either side of my butt.

I had a good friend's bachelorette party this weekend which was SOOO much fun and I'm so glad that I was able to go. Left on Saturday night and got home and just crashed!! All day yesterday, I was wrecked - couldn't wake up. I totally thought I was going to have to take the day off today to just sleep but I woke up feeling great and refreshed. Phew...

So, that's me - in a nutshell. Updates to follow after Progesterone check and U/S on Monday.

127bpm...

2008-08-19T13:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I had another U/S yesterday and I apologize for the delay in posting!

The title of this post - 127bpm - is GREAT NEWS!! We saw the heartbeat and it was awesome. The lil' bugger's heart was beating 127 beats per minute. Nice and healthy. We are measuring right on schedule although they had the baby measured at 6weeks 6days rather than 7weeks exactly. According to Dr Acacio, anything within 3 days is perfect.

The U/S appt was quick and I can't help but say that I LOVE the midwife's office staff and her. They're just great!! Deena, the nurse, gave me a big hug when she heard we had a good strong heartbeat and Melissa, the U/S tech was going to take me back in for another U/S if I had my camera so we could record the heartbeat for Jill. They were all sad that Jill couldn't be there.

So, here's a picture from the U/S yesterday - a lil' bit clearer as I had some more time to play with the camera settings.

If you see the circle in the picture - that is the yolk sac. Right above it is the baby (find the + sign) and you'll see the line that goes to the right - that is baby Alcorn. The line is there to measure the baby and that tells the tech and Dr's that the baby is measuring right on schedule.

...oy vay!

2008-08-14T16:01:00.001-07:00

Can I just be honest here and say that my butt hurts! I have 17 days left of shots and let me just say that my butt is ready for those things to stop. I would say for the last 2 weeks, it's just been getting worse and worse. I have the biggest knots on both cheeks and bruises all around. My left side is worse than my right but still, the right side hurts.

I CANNOT wait for these things to be over on the 31st. But I hear it'll take awhile for the knots and the bruising to go away.

I've been using the heating pad everynight. It's become my best friend and after I get a shot, I take my heating pad and sit on it. Maybe it's helping 'cos maybe it'd be hurting worse if I didn't use it...but boy oh boy...it still hurts!

Oh well - this is just me complaining today! Sorry.

Ultrasound on Monday afternoon - check back for an update then. Scotty and I are going up to Shaver Lake for the weekend (thanks to the Alcorns) for a lil' R&R. Woo hoo!

...the results are in!!

2008-08-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

Well, we have 3 wonderful winners for the poll we did last week. Names to be announced shortly...just keep reading!

Jill and I had our first appointment today and it was great. Well, first and foremost it was great 'cos I got to meet up with Jill for a lil' lunchy-lunch at El Rosal. Got my Chilaquiles which made me really happy. (Funny story 'cos last time Jill and I were together, I kinda introduced her to chilaquiles and the whole time we ate, I had food envy 'cos I got something else.) Anyway, so we had lunch and then went to our appointment. We got there and the office was empty. We were laughing and at one point Jill goes "You know, people might think we're lesbians." And I just laughed 'cos I thought the same thing. But I'm comfortable with myself and people can think what they want. But I also said, "we'll just have to talk about our husbands A LOT." Too funny.

So we were called back and we met with Deena who is Rita's nurse or assistant or both, whatever. She was great. She went over all the do's/don'ts of pregnancy and all that fun stuff and just kind of learned a lil' bit about our past together and the surrogacy attempt in March and now this succesful pregnancy. And then we got to meet Rita. SOOO not what I pictured but totally amazing. I think why I wanted to go with a midwife this time is 'cos they are more involved with your pregnancy and wanting the best for you. Not that a Dr doesn't but I think there's a lil' more care for what you want/expect out of the pregnancy and birth when it comes to a midwife. I could tell the difference today in just the brief meeting we had with both Rita and Deena. After that, we got to have the U/S.

Went in and Melissa the tech tried to do a tummy ultrasound but unfortunately to get the info she wanted, we had to do the other kind. You really lose all sense of privacy after you have a kid and now especially doing this surrogacy. You care who see's you down there but you just don't at the same time. It's quite funny coming from the girl who didn't even want her own mom in the room when she delivered 'cos she didn't want her mom to see her "down there." (Needless to say, I didn't care who was in the room after 21hrs of labor - I just wanted Sebastien out). Anyway - sorry for that bunny trail. Melissa was able to confirm that we are in fact pregnant. I'm posting the U/S pic - it's fuzzy - but you can see what we saw today...

So, Sarah, Kristi and Jen all win. We have a singleton pregnancy. CONGRATULATIONS!

I go back on Monday for another U/S to confirm the heartbeat. We were somewhat able to see a heartbeat today but since the heart just starts beating in this week, it wasn't certain but Jill and the tech were able to see a pulsating light which resembled a heartbeat!! Yippee!!

...Let's take a poll

2008-08-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, I had been thinking about doing this and then my girls on my message board did one for me and then Jill just emailed me and said that one of her friends has given her $10 to start the baby pool of how many babies are in me.

The girls on my message board were hilarious...here was their poll...

How May Babies are in Zann?

One - 21 votes

Two - 47 votes

Three - 3 votes

Four - 0 votes

Six (All 3 divided so there are 6) - 3 votes

I don't know what we could give away as a prize, maybe just a big "shout out" on here but let's take a poll and post what you think on the comments section and we'll tally up the results. Leave your name too so we can give up the shout out. LOL.

Come on - everyone vote!

Vote how many you think there are and what the sex(es) might be. Obviously we'll know on Monday the answer to the first question but the second question will take some more time.

...some fun things!!!

2008-08-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I told you about the pregnancy tests and here are some pictures. Sadly enough, when you buy cheap PG tests, the results don't stay in the window. But when you buy good ones (which you'll be able to see), the results do stay in the window. And for some reason, I can't figure out how to get the picture flipped so everyone, tilt your head to the left. But the one on the right was from my first positive on the Friday after the transfer (6 days) and it was SOO faint but it was there. The 2 on the left are the "good" tests that were 9 and 10 days post transfer and you can clearly see the lines on there. This was so hard to keep from Jill. I just wanted to call her and tell her what I was seeing.

So, I've got my calendar and the good news for me - only 27 more days of shots. Let me just say my butt is hurtin'. I've been befriending the heating pad after the shots and it's helping the knots get a lil' smaller.

Wanna know something crazy?!?! I also got my due date. First and foremost, I'll be 9 weeks already at the end of August. That just seems crazy to both Jill and I. It just seems like this is going to fly by. And now for the crazy bit?!? Our due date is April 4th - and that happens to be Jill's birthday. What an AMAZING birthday present a lil' baby would be for them!

I've also got my first appointment scheduled with the midwife for next week for our 6 week appointment. We're still waiting to hear from Dr A's office if that's okay if we go ahead and see the local OB/Gyn as it's too hard to get down South. And Jill will be down in Visalia for her class reunion this weekend so she'll be able to stay and go to the appt with me on Monday. We meet with a nutrionist and then with the midwife and then we have the first U/S. So exciting. Basically, we're hoping to confirm that there is a sac with an embryo inside and hopefully a heartbeat but it still could be too early. Very exciting!!! I'll keep you updated and hopefully we'll get some great pictures.

...ok, now I can admit

2008-08-01T10:25:00.001-07:00

I have to admit to all you guys on here (some already know 'cos of course I can't keep my big mouth shut) but I lived with a lil' secret since last Friday - 6 days post transfer.

I started taking home pregnancy tests last Friday and last Friday I had my first positive. I was on cloud 9. I was such in shock and so wanted to make sure that I wasn't seeing things that I took the test over to my friend Kasey's house just to make sure she saw what I was seeing too. She saw it too. So, what did I do? Yep, I went out and bought more pregnancy tests. About 5 more just to show you how obsessive I was (or am). I took a pregnancy test every day till Tuesday and every day they got darker and darker.

I had to keep that secret from Jill and it was the hardest. Of course, I was completely paranoid that it could just be HCG in my system from all the horomones but as each day went by and the lines got darker and darker, I started to feel more positive. And then when I got the first results on Tuesday, it confirmed that pregnancy tests don't lie (or at least all that often).

I think most of you know that Jill didn't want to know anything until the final beta test on Thursday. She had a crazy work week with a project due on Friday and didn't want to be distracted with bad news on Tuesday if my numbers were low or non-existent. Well, when Sylvia called me on Tuesday to tell me my first number was 100, she said that Dr Acacio was not going to pass up the opportunity to call Jill and tell her the amazing news. So, I waited an anxious filled hour with the biggest smile on my face, waiting for Jill to call me. I couldn't stand it after a while so I called Dr Acacio's office and asked Sylvia, "Has Dr A called Jill yet?" And she said he was on the phone with her right now and then about 10 seconds later goes "Ok, he just told her. Give her 5 minutes and I'm sure she'll be calling you. So, I waited for what seemed like ages and finally she called. We were both thrilled. Couldn't believe what amazing news it was. But we decided to keep the news on the downlow until we got Thursdays results!

So, now we wait. I'm supposed to get my calendar today of what happens next, etc. I think the next step is the first ultrasound at about 6 weeks if I can make it down South to Dr Acacio's office. Don't know when/if that'll happen yet but if it does, you guys will know. Jill wants to be there for that one and boy oh boy, I don't blame her! How exciting.

Anyway - thanks for all the well wishes and I'm sorry I had to keep you all in suspense yesterday - Jill and I were dying ourselves!!!

Houston! We're having a baby!!!

2008-07-31T17:46:00.000-07:00

It was so hard to keep it a secret and even Jill knew but on Tuesday, my numbers came back awesome. They were at 100. Anything about 5 is good. 25 is excellent - so you can imagine what 100 was like. It was the best news in the world. Good enough that even Dr Acacio called Jill with the results even though she didn't want to know.

We waited all afternoon this afternoon for a phone call and we just got word about 10 minutes ago that my numbers have doubled! I'm at 223! So they've actually more than doubled!

I'm so excited, and so relieved! WOO HOO!!!

aaackk...

2008-07-31T15:43:00.000-07:00

Jill and I are both dying...

She just emailed me and asked if I'd heard anything and wanting to know what time they called on Tuesday. We're both sitting here dying to know what's going on. She'll call the office in 20 minutes if she hasn't heard anything.

Keep waiting and keep crossing those fingers and toes and saying those prayers!! PLEASE!!

HCG #2...DONE

2008-07-31T11:54:00.001-07:00

Well, HCG #2 is done. I went again first thing this morning and I'm hoping to hear from Jill sometime this afternoon around 4'ish. The nerves are finally getting to me today. I'm just so anxious and feel like I'm sitting on pins and needles. I emailed Jill a lil' while ago and wished her luck too. LOL. I bet you she's even more nervous than I am.

So now we wait...and wait...and wait...

I'll update once I know something.

Oh, cool story too. The lab girl whom I've come to know since I frequent her often enough knows what's going on and today when I went in, she was telling me there's this other lady that comes in who is a surrogate for a couple in Italy. If I understood her right, she's surro'ed 2 babies previously for this couple and is working on their last one. So, my lil' lab tech girl is getting excited for me and hopes for the best for us as well. She's baffled as to how I could give the baby up though. And I've tried explaining to her that it's not my baby in any way, shape or form. Explained to her about the placenta filtering out even my blood, etc and she still couldn't wrap her head around. So, we just agreed - some people can do it, others can't. But nonetheless, she was amazed that we were doing this for James and Jill.

Alright - hopefully in about 4hrs, you guys can come back for an update...and a good POSITIVE one at that. Keep praying or doing whatever it is you do!

hcg #1...DONE

2008-07-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

I went first thing this morning and got my first HCG test done. 2nd test to be completed on Thursday and then we'll know the final results. Sylvia will call Jill first and then Jill will call me. Same way it worked last time. So, keep praying for good results on Thursday.

I forgot to share a very cute story. One of my good friends Kasey's mom works as a labor/delivery/post partum nurse up in Fresno and she had left Kasey a message on the Saturday night of my transfer. It was saying how she just knew I was going to be pregnant this time around. She's been a nurse for 17yrs and in those 17yrs, she's only had 5 surrogacy pregnancies come through and give birth. And on that Saturday of our transfer, she took part of that 5th surrogacy pregancy birth. So, she was saying how it's a sign. So cute!!!

I'm still feeling really positive about this pregancy...still guarded...but still positive if that makes any sense. I think our chances were so good this time and according to Dr Acacio, my uterus was perfect for making babies. (Not tooting my own horn...at all...lol).

Anyway - I'll keep you all posted and thanks again for all the well wishes and postitive thoughts and prayers! They are muchly appreciated.

3 more days...

2008-07-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

Alright...I'm getting excited. We'll find out this week. The weekend flew by and so I'm hoping this week does too. I go for the first HCG test tomorrow and then second one on Thursday morning. I'm just really trying to think positive and really thinking it worked this time. But at the same time, always being a lil' guarded...

I got the pictures from Jill from our trip to Dr Acacio's office. Okay - I had them posted but they were too big and I can't figure out how to make them smaller. If anyone knows how - please tell me. I have them in photobucket and I've shrunk them there but they won't shrink on the blog. Frustrating.

6 days post transfer...

2008-07-25T11:12:00.000-07:00

Alright - 6 days down...6 to go!

This week has flown by and I can't believe it. It's been a lot easier this time to wait. Don't know what it is but it is. Maybe it's something to do with it being on a weekend. Who knows - whatever it is - I like it. I go in next Tuesday for the 1st HCG test with the 2nd one being on Thursday and then we should know Thursday afternoon. I think they called Jill about 3:30-4pm last time with the news.

Now, I don't know why I'm typing this 'cos I'm really trying to not get my hopes up or anything but I want you guys to know so you can keep praying. But we had friends over on Wed night for dinner and we made fish tacos (thanks to Jill giving me the idea) and we were making guacamole. The avocados were a lil' over ripe - much so that I thought they might be bad. Everyone smelled them and thought they were okay but to me, they smelled like cake that had sat out too long and had spoiled. I really couldn't eat it 'cos it just smelled funk to me. Then last night, me and the boys were playing on the couch and Scotty was prepping his ribs that he's smoking today (yummy!!) and I started smelling something funky again. I stared checking Spencer's diaper and asking Sebastien if he farted but it just stunk. Finally, I asked Scotty - is that the ribs that stink. He smelled them...said "yep, it smells like a butcher shop." Smelled normal to him but to me, I was disgusted...even left the house and took the boys for a walk/bike ride (not me on the bike) over to his moms house to get a shot. We were talking and I made mention of the ribs stinking about the house and she looks at me and goes "Zann, you're pregnant." Then it was like a lightbulb - sensitive to smells = sign of pregnancy. So, I told her about the night before about the avocados and she got excited. I came home and told Scotty and he just got a big smile on his face.

Now, I'm not trying to read into but I think having hope doesn't hurt! So, keep praying everyone!!

...and now the wait!!!

2008-07-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it's 5:20pm and I just got back to my mom's house. Jill has boarded her plane and on her way back to Reno to go spend a week in Tahoe.

Jill and I have had a good but busy 2 days. She got in yesterday at 4:15pm and I made it to Long Beach from Visalia at 4pm. Just in time to pickup Jill from the airport. Came back to my mom's, picked her up and changed and went out to dinner. Then Jill and I went to Manhattan Beach and met up with my 2 girlfriends from Rock-It and had a few drinks and headed home pretty late. (Oh the days of being single and no kids). This morning, we got up late (8:45am) and got ready and went out to Schooner or Later for a great breakfast. Then we came home, picked up Jill's bags and headed out to the OC to see my girlfriend who just had a baby and I got to meet her new lil' girl. From there, we headed to Dr Acacio's office.

We got to Dr Acacio's at about 1:30, soon after, Dr Acacio pulled up and he took us in. The transfer was supposed to happen at about 2:30 and at 2:30 we were still waiting to find out what the status of the embryo's were, etc. As we were sitting there, we got more and more nervous as to what was going on. Was Dr Acacio sitting in his office figuring out how to break the news that none survived. But then, we started thinking positive that he's trying to figure out which are the best ones to implant. Finally we learned that they embryologist was running late and of course we had to wait for her.

Finally at about 2:45, Dr A came in and said that we had 2 GREAT looking embryo's and 1 that was not as good but still good. He felt confident that the 2 would produce a succesful pregnancy but if we wanted to be agressive, he would put 3 in. There was no question - we put 3 embryo's in.

So, at 3:02pm, 3 small lil' embryo's were implanted in me and we couldn't help but smile. Dr Acacio said that there is about a 70-75% chance of success and he feels really confident that we will get a positive pregnancy from this transfer. My uterus looked great, my lining was perfect - and we have 3 fresh embryo's.

I will do my first HCG test on Tuesday, July 29th and then my second one on Thursday, July 31st. I will know that afternoon what kind of results we're looking at.

CROSS THOSE FINGERS & TOES, SAY YOUR PRAYERS and HOPE, HOPE, HOPE!!

Oh, and we did get pictures this time. Jill and I in our hairnets. But you will have to wait. Jill got them all and she's in Tahoe for a week vacation!! Oh the suspense...

19 eggs...

2008-07-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

Jill just called and they got 19 eggs this morning. That's good news. So now we see how many fertilize. And then from there, we see if we can do genetic testing or see how the embryo's rate, etc. So, it's still up in the air as to how many will be transferred. But 19 is a good start!

...it's now saturday

2008-07-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

So, I heard from Jill and Dr Acacio wants to wait one more day. So, they are going to do the retrieval on Monday now which puts us at a Saturday transfer. So, I think Jill will try to take another half day and fly out on Friday afternoon/early evening and then we'll do the transfer on Saturday. I think she'll fly out on Saturday night after the transfer 'cos I believe her and James have company coming to town that night/weekend for the start of their vacation. It's working out good 'cos I think Scotty might come down with me for the transfer as well.

the update...

2008-07-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

So, we had a VERY long weekend with the 4th of July holiday and Scotty's birthday. It was a good time to be had by all. Unfortunately, the long weekend robbed me of my memory. I had a crazy morning with work (a shipment didn't reach it's final destination as planned and I had a pissed off customer) and at 11:21am, I looked at my computer and the lil' BRITE PINK Post-It note stared back at me :

ULTRASOUND / MONDAY MORNING 10:30am - Bakersfield

I panicked! I called Dr A's office and told Kim what happened but as soon as I got on the phone with her, I realized I needed to have bloodwork done too. And I needed to get to the lab by 11:30am so I could get results same day! Holy snikes I felt horrible. I hopped in the car and made it to the lab in 2.2 seconds - no joke. I had my blood drawn and was on my way back home by 11:34am. No joke. Seriously - I have no idea how that happened but I LOVE SMALL TOWNS. I did have to make the lab's courier wait about 2 minutes but it wasn't that bad. Thankfully I had made friends (well, you know...been friendly the last time I was there) with the lab tech so she was willing to help me out. Once I got the bloodwork, I had the # for the U/S office in Bakersfield and I called them. Rescheduled for Tuesday at 2pm. I wasn't going to forget this time.

Jill had her U/S first on Tuesday and she called and left a couple messages for me. (My phone died) and we got great news. She had 20 follicles which means she's going to have plenty of eggs. Dr A was happy with what he saw and they scheduled her second U/S for Thursday.

My U/S came back good. My lining is nice and thick and my bloodwork came back with my estradiol level at 416 I believe. So, Sylvia said it was good and all was going as planned.

It's now Thursday and Jill's second U/S was scheduled for this morning and I've yet to hear from her. I know James is flying in today/tonight to do his part and from what I understood yesterday, they would trigger Jill on Friday and then they'd retrieve from her on Sunday. Which puts us at a transfer next Friday!

CRAZY! Next Friday right now is the day.

I asked Jill about the genetic testing and for those of you curious :

The PGD testing (genetic) is only on the viable looking embryos - and we have to produce enough to make it worthwhile. So if we only have 3 grade A types or however they grade it, he will not recommend it. But if we have 8 or 9 or so, it'll be worth it to have the lab do the testing. The test only looks at half the chromosomes though so we can rule out a bad embryo but not necessarily prove it to be a perfect one.

I know that kind of helped me understand it and how evasive the testing is. I'm really looking forward to this transfer. I think there's a lot of hope to be had!!

the plan so far...

2008-07-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

So, this time is a bit different since we're doing a fresh cycle. There's no set date for the transfer as it all depends on when Jill's body produces enough follicles to where they will trigger the ovulation to retrieve the eggs. So, I'll tell you what I know as of Wednesday morning, July 2nd...

Jill flies out over the weekend to LA and her first appointment is on Tuesday morning in which she will have an ultrasound. At that point, they will either determine when they will do the retrieval or they will say we need to wait a few days and do another ultrasound to check follicles. Now, when Dr Acacio is happy with what he sees, they will give Jill a shot that will trigger ovulation and 36hrs from the time she receives that shot is when they will retrieve all her lil' eggs. James has his ticket booked to fly in on Thursday to meet Jill and Dr Acacio and make his contribution. (And when I say James flies in on Thursday - it doesn't mean the retrieval will be Thursday).

So, once the retrieval is done, I will know exactly when I have to be down for the transfer. Depending on the amount of eggs that are retrieved, Jill and James have decided to do genetic testing to make sure that these lil' embryo's are good and healthy. Basically, if they have more than 3 embryos, they will do the genetic testing. If there is only 3 or less than 3, they will go ahead and transfer all 3 without doing the genetic testing. Reason being, with genetic testing, there is a chance that one of the embryos could not make it so they'd rather not run that risk. But if there is more than 3, they will do the genentic testing. So as of now, the plan is to transfer 5 day embryo's into me sometime between the 14-18th.

It's coming up quicker than I thought it would and it's a bit insane to think that it's just 2 weeks away. I guess you can say I've been a lil' guarded this time and as I was talking about it last night with some great friends of ours, I realized that I was a lil' naive last time. I know I thought everything was going to work out perfect and we were going to make James and Jill's dream of having a family happen. I guess I just pushed aside the factors against us and was naive. This time, I feel more guarded 'cos it is devastating to learn it didn't work.

My goal here is the same as last time. It was great to talk about it last night again and get that excitement back. I want James and Jill to experience the joy of holding their own child. Gazing into their lil' ones eyes. Hearing them laugh for the first time, hearing them giggle for the first time. All those joys - that's what I want more than anything for James and Jill. I still can't fathom not being able to have my own children and I don't know how Jill has coped with it. I know it hasn't been easy and that's why I just want to see so badly her holding her own child in her arms. I really want this to work this time and I hope the fresh embryos and the chance of transfering more than one will give us a great success rate!!

So, I think that's it for the day. If you would, just keep all of us in prayer over the next 2 weeks. I know we would all appreciate that.

mexican riviera...

2008-06-19T16:13:00.001-07:00

Here we come!!!

Just thought it'd be fun to post that I think we have agreed on our vacation next year. We and our friends Kevin and Jen and Chris and Kasey have been planning a vacation for the end of next May (after baby[ies] of course). We really wanted to do Hawaii but it's bloody expensive. So, we started tossing up other ideas and Kasey came up with a cruise. So, we went and got some cruise books today from the Cruise Experts downtown and started to look into it more. We called Jen as soon as we got back too and asked her what she thought of a cruise and she's all for it. So, I think the decision is made.

Mexican Riviera - here we come.

WATCH OUT!!!

Scotty and I have never been on a cruise but the others have. So, this will be a new experience for all of us. How can you go wrong with warm sunny weather, beaches, and all you can eat food!?!?!? Seriously, how can you go wrong with just the last part. (For those that don't know me - I love food. Sadly enough, you can tell too.)

So, if you have any good "cruising" advise, please pass it on!

Oh, and by the way - still haven't been able to do the stupid Lupron shots. Still a whimp here.

let it be said...

2008-06-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

I AM A WHIMP!!!

That's right...you heard me. I'm a whimp. I don't know what it is but I can't do the Lupron injections. It sucks. It's a bit depressing and I almost cried a lil' on Saturday when I couldn't do it. I don't know what it is but I stand there at the kitchen counter, trying to talk myself into doing it and I just can't!!!! Mind over matter isn't working for me either.

I called my good friend Jen on Saturday morning to have her help me do it. If most of you remember, Jen was with me the first time I did an injection. I did it with no problem and I think I did it 'cos I couldn't whimp out in front of someone. So I called her and I said, I'm having trouble doing it...tell me I can do it. Bless her heart, she stayed on the phone with me for about 20 minutes while trying to pack, counting to 3 over and over and over and over. We tried the bribery method - "you can't have coffee till you do it." That didn't work. We tried positive reinforcements and that didn't work. Nothing did.

The sad thing is - I know it doesn't hurt. I know, I know, I know it doesn't hurt. But there's just something about me having a needle in my hand that is freaking me out this time around. It's a bit embarassing.

So, lucky for me - my mother in law lives right around the corner and I called her and asked her to do it for me. She so happliy obliged 'cos she loves this kind of stuff and came over shortly there after and was done in about 2.2 seconds. Did the same thing yesterday and the same thing today. I just don't think it's in me to do it anymore. Maybe I'll try it one of these mornings but who knows.

I think what happened was, my very last Lupron shot that I gave myself in the last round was a bit painful so I have a bad taste in my mouth. I went in a lil' sideways and left a bruise on my tummy that lasted for weeks. So, I think I'm just afraid that I'll do it wrong again.

Well, I guess that it's...the whimp shall sign out now!

the 14th is coming...

2008-06-11T12:45:00.001-07:00

I can't believe the 14th is almost already here. I can't wait to start the injections again on Saturday (hint of sarcasm there). Actually, those ones don't bother me all that much. It's the mind over matter game with those ones. Most of you might remember that those are the ones that on some mornings would take me over half an hour to do. It's not that they hurt. It was the fact that I had to jab myself with a needle that got me. I mean, I pluck my eyebrows. And you know when you get one of those thick, stubborn hairs that hurt and make your eyes water...well, the shots don't even hurt that bad. It's just the fact that I have to jab myself.

It's the progesterone and E2V shots that hurt more. And when I say hurt, I more so mean, they don't tickle.

This lil' bit is for Jill but you can be nosy if you want.

Jill, last night, we went to Tahoe Joe's with some friends to do $1.99 appetizers for happy hour. Talk about being in heaven. Railroad shrimp, onion straws, hamburgers, all the deep fried goodness you can imagine for $1.99. There were six of us and I think we got about 14 appetizers and just sat them on the table and chowed down. $30 ain't bad for all that food. LOL. Okay, well that wasn't the point of the story. We were sitting there trying to figure out what to do next since Happy Hour was over and I brought up Acequia on Main and their famous bread pudding. So, we all got in our cars and drove downtown for the famous dessert (all my idea). We got there and were sad to learn that not only do they not make that dessert anymore, the previous owner quit. Upped and left one day in January and closed his doors. No more flat iron steaks and no more bread pudding. We were all really sad but the $2.50 draft beers they serve all day/every day somewhat made up for it. And they had a pretty good tiramisu. But I was sad. And wanted to tell you. I don't think Acequia on Main will ever be what it was. So, just in case you come to town soon and want to go out for a good meal...don't go to Acequia on Main 'cos it just ain't the same.

Anyway - that's the news on this front. Still nothing exciting. I'll let you know how Saturday goes and if I still have my skills at jabbing my belly.

it's getting closer...

2008-06-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the slack on my part in keeping everyone updated. There's really nothing new except that Jill and I are patiently waiting for everything to start. I can't remember when Jill starts her meds but we're both on Birth Control Pills for right now. As some of you remember, I do not do well on BCP's. I'm trying a different one this round and for right now, I think I'm okay. I've noticed I get a lil' funky sometimes in the evening but it hasn't been as bad as last time. And according to my calendar, I have to take it till the 18th. I start my Lupron injections on the 14th (those are the small belly shots that use a diabetic needle.) Pretty quick...pretty painless. Both Jill and I have baseline ultrasounds on the 23rd.

I got all my meds in the mail the other day. It's still overwhelming pulling out packs and packs of needles and lil' vials of drugs. I feel like some closet junky a lil' bit.

As far as emotions go, life has been pretty hectic for us so I haven't really had time to process everything again. I feel like since I know what the next few weeks are going to be like, maybe I'll just try to process all the emotions as I go. I think for now, I'm obviously more pessimistic than I was last time. I guess I just want to guard myself a lil' more 'cos I was 100% sure it was going to work last time. I know this time, we will have more going for us...freshies especially...and more than one. So, I know I'll probably be more optimistic but right now, I feel a lil' guarded.

Alright - I'm signing off for now. I think I'm going to go next door and yell at the dang dog that's been barking non-stop all morning.

for those of you chomping at the bits...

2008-04-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

So, Jill and I have been talking and discussing the possibility of trying again...and it looks like we're going to give it another go. There are still a few more things that need to be sorted but we are moving forward with trying one last time.

For those of you wondering - since James and Jill have no more frozen embryos, we are going with a fresh cycle. So, Jill will be prepping her body to prepare eggs and then we'll have to time it perfectly so that when her eggs are ready (I keep picturing a kitchen timer - *DING*), my body will be ready and they will transfer more than one fresh embryo (and in the IVF world, they are called "freshies.") I know our chances will be a lot better with doing a fresh cycle vs a frozen cycle. We'll have multiple embryo's this time to which will increase our chances. Last round was about a 30% chance when we learned that only one emby survived the defrost. Hopefully this one will be up in the 90th percentile.

Exciting news, huh!

Sorry for keeping you all in suspense for so long. But there was stuff that needed to be sorted out so I didn't really have anything to update you with!! Thanks for being patient.

too funny...

2008-03-31T13:53:00.001-07:00

I just thought this was too funny and wanted to pass it off...

My friend Capi called me and said there's a preview for a new movie that I had to watch. It's called "Baby Mama" and it's about surrogacy. She said that her and her husband watched it and they just said "OH MY GOSH, IT'S ZANN."

So, I watched it and it's hilarious...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU34zV9A3gU

Click the link above if you want to watch it. I think I'm for sure going to make an effort to go see this one.

a sad day...

2008-03-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but unfortunately, this lil' embryo just wasn't meant to be. Jill just called me a few moments ago and I knew from the second I picked up that it wasn't going to be good news. It's hard to hear and very sad and there are tons of questions of why. But I don't think they'll ever be answered.

I just want to say thanks to everyone for the well wishes and support and prayers over the last couple months. It's been an exciting journey and I've gained a wealth of knowledge about the human body and the womans reproductive system...that's for sure. I'm sure my bum will be relieved that the shots will stop but I tell you - all 50+ shots were worth it.

Jill's going to schedule and appointment with Dr Acacio and see what he thinks the problem is. But I have offered Jill my "services" again and I'm ready to go at anytime. I want James and Jill to have a baby dangit!!!

So, that's it...

I'll keep updating this blog so check back often.

Love ya guys!
Zann

the big day...

2008-03-26T10:08:00.001-07:00

It's here - the moment we've all been waiting for.

Poor Jill emailed me right as I was on the way out of the lab and all it said was :

"LONGEST DAY EVER...HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 2 DAYS."

I know the feeling. Last night, I had a hard time sleeping. I stayed up a lil' too late just thinking about the whole thing and then this morning, laid in bed for a long time while the boys just played. Part of me wanted to face the day in hopes that all goes as planned and my body has accepted the lil' embryo and is making a nice comfty home. And the other part of me just wants to hide in fear that something didn't go right. But I did it. I got myself out of bed, got the kids ready and dropped them off at daycare and headed to the lab. The lady recognized me as it was my 4th time in there and I was able to share with her what I was doing. So, she knew that I was coming in today for the 2nd beta test and could tell I was nervous. She made sure to tell me that the courier would be there at 11am to pick up the blood draws and they would alert the Dr's office this afternoon.

After I got Jill's email, I decided to just call her at work. Poor thing is so nervous. We talked for a few minutes and we'll talk later this afternoon once we get the results...

PRAY, FAST, HOPE, SAY SOME "HAIL MARY'S," CROSS YOUR FINGERS, WHATEVER YOU DO FOR LUCK THAT THIS WORKED!!!!

We need an Alcorn baby!!!

waiting sucks...

2008-03-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

I honestly hate this...waiting sucks!!!

I have so many emotions involved in this and the waiting is just eating at me. I went in for the first of two beta tests today. I have the next one on Wednesday morning and hopefully that afternoon, they'll alert Dr Acacio's office who will then alert Jill what the outcome is.

I have such a variety of emotions going through me. I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm anxious, I'm scared, you name it - I'm probably feeling it.

We got together with James and Jill's family on Saturday and had a great time meeting everyone. A big thank you to everyone we met for just opening up your home and your family to us. We were so honored to be there. The boys had a blast as well and were so worn out by the time we got home. They slept pretty solidly that night, as did Scotty and I. So, thank you again. It was a pleasure meeting all of you.

I wanted to post last night but I'm glad I didn't. I was in a very somber mood I guess you can say and was putting Sebastien down for the night and like I said, I have so many emotions going on right now. I want this surrogacy thing to work out so bad. I want James and Jill to have a shot at being parents. I want them to experience what I get to experience everyday - the joy of a child. I think I've been so confident that this whole process was/is going to work that I really haven't taken the time to think about what if it doesn't. I HATE to think along those lines but I think now that we're getting closer to finding out, I'm scared of the outcome. I think I'll be devastated if it doesn't work out. See...didn't want to go there 'cos no need to be negative but I guess I am just getting out my thoughts.

Anyways - I just want to say a big thanks to everyone that is following this blog, to our families and friends (ours and James and Jills).

James and Jill - you have no idea how many people are holding out hope for you and saying prayers that this surrogacy took. So many prayers, so many well wishes. People you don't even know and probably will never know. I'm so proud to call them my friends and family. They have supported Scotty and I in our decision to help you guys and have offered help, meals, support all along the way.

That's it - being way too sappy! Way too emotional!

Here's to another 2 days of waiting...

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!

46 shots and the waiting game...

2008-03-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

So, I had to empty out my handy SHARPS container (the thing that holds all my used needles)last night 'cos it was getting too full. Luckily Nurse Mara can take all the used ones off my hands and I don't have to find an EPA office or find somewhere that'll take them. As I was taking them out, I decided to count them...

46 Shots

Yowzers. I guess I can't complain 'cos it's really not a lot considering that Jill has gone through this 4 times and she even had to do a step that I didn't have to do which was the egg retreival. And I guess that's even more. But I wow'ed myself last night. 46 shots coming from someone who used to be somewhat afraid of needles. I guess I've gotten the hang of it. I still laugh though 'cos I have to cover my ears while I'm getting one...or at least till the needle goes in. Random, huh!

So, the waiting game has definitely started and let me tell you - I don't like waiting. I hate it to be honest. I'm on edge lately and just really ancy to find out what the results are going to be. I would assume we will know by next Thursday. As soon as I know or Jill knows - we will update. But for now, life continues on and we wait.

People keep asking how I'm feeling. I wish I could say "I FEEL PREGNANT" but I don't. I feel fine. I don't feel anything different, out of the ordinary. I just wish I had a lil' sign from my body that would encourage me that the lil' embryo stuck. But nope, nothing!!! I guess most surrogates don't really "feel" pregnant till about the 3rd week. I know when I was pregnant with the boys, it didn't set it till after I found out I was pregnant which was about 5 weeks. So, we'll see.

A Quick Update....

2008-03-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of you are waiting patiently for an update so here's a quick one. We got to Dr Acacio's office yesterday afternoon right on time (after a great meal at El Torito Grill) and learned quickly that only one of the two embryos survived. It was a big shock for Jill and a big bummer. That means the chances are even lower but we are holding out hope that this lil embryo they transferred yesterday was strong and healthy and viable. The transfer was relatively easy and quick. The most uncomfortable thing is you have to come with a full bladder and then they use the ultrasound machine and push on your belly to where you just about pee. I think the transfer only took about 20 min from start to finish and then I laid in the room and got the full history of Jill's journey over the last three years while we waited for the okay. Finally, I was able to get dressed and we got our discharge instructions and we were gone.Bedrest is hard. Its not in me to relax and let people help me. I hate having to be on the couch and watching the boys play. But I'm doing it. Today is better than yesterday and I'm proud to say, I haven't gotten up from the couch in over 3hrs and almost dozed off while my mom took the boys for.a walk.So Jill left early this am as they got the keys to their new home on Wednesday afternoon and they are moving this weekend (hopefully before the snowstorm). It was great to see her and get the chance to really spend some time together. Its amazing how us girls have the gift of gab. :)Anyway, I'm on my blackberry and my fingers are cramping typing on this miniscule keyboard so I am signing odd for now. Oh oh oh funny thing. I forgot my memory card for my camera at home in Visalia and so Jill had her camera...or so we thought. She left it in her bag and when we were putting on out hairnets and booties, she realized it wasn't in her purse. Sorry guys...lol but I said no promises.Please pray that this lil embryo sticks. I really want James and Jill to have a shot at being some great parents. They deserve it.Love ya guys!!!

2 more days...

2008-03-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it - 2 more days till the transfer? I can't believe it myself. Time has flown by so fast and I'm getting really excited and anxious. I never really think about it not working or the embryo(s) not sticking. I envision myself pregnant through the summer, sitting in the pool, relaxing. And I can't help be be drawn to the maternity section when I go shopping. Bad, huh? I just have a lot of high hopes for this and just really hope and pray that all goes well on Thursday and at the end of the month, we get a positive result on the pregnancy tests! Oh, I'm excited.

Jill and I have been told to be at Dr Acacio's office sometime between 11am-3pm on Thursday and that's still going to be narrowed down a lil' more. So, once I get the exact time, I'll let you all know. And, I can post from my blackberry so there's a possibility that you'll get a post from me and Jill in the Dr's office after the transfer. I have to remember how to do it. I'm also really going to try and remember my camera to take some pictures. I'm not making any promises though since I forget everything lately.

For those of you who are or aren't interested in the shots. They've been going okay. I started the nightly progesterone injections on Saturday and my friend Kasey did the first one. She was a pro. I do have to share something funny though. She's used to giving injections/vaccinations to lil' kids and babies. I showed her the needle and she looked shocked. She said "Do I have to stick it in all the way." I said "yep." She goes, "Wow, I'm not used to this big of a needle." But it went great. Well, by great, I don't mean "FANTASTIC," "OH THAT FELT GOOD," or "LET'S DO THAT AGAIN," but more so I didn't feel pain and she did it super fast. The shot I got on Friday night was pretty painful. It hurt to walk for about 2 days and it still hurts a lil' to cross my legs. I can just feel it. I have these tiny lil' purple bruises on my bum. It's kind of funny. Then the shot I got on Sunday night must have been right in the muscle and not so much in the fat 'cos that was pretty tender too. I emailed Jill on Monday and she recommened a heating pad on the site after the injection. I think I need to start trying that.

Anyway - 2 more days! Yippee!

a week from tomorrow...

2008-03-05T16:37:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it? A week from tomorrow is the transfer date! I'm absolutely amazed that time has flown by so quickly and the date is right around the corner. I think Jill and I are both getting really anxious and are really excited to see how it pans out.

I think I mentioned before that Jill's going to fly in on the morning of the transfer and we'll meet up and just hang out till we have to be there. Her and I will go and say hi to the lil' embyro and wish it luck and then they'll do the transfer. I have to stay there for an hour or two after the transfer and then Jill and I will come back to my mom's house and have a slumber party while I am on complete bedrest for the next 2 days. Jill will fly back on Friday morning to meet up with James and move into their new house (yippee). My mom's going to help watch the boys those 2 days and then on Saturday, my mom will drive me back up to Visalia and help me out the rest of the weekend with my limited activity.

I'm excited and anxious about next week. I am thinking really positive about it and just praying that all is well. I've had to do a lot of bloodwork over the last couple of weeks. I went in for another U/S yesterday in Bakersfield. My estradiol level is in the high 300's (up from the last draw) but it needs to be up in the 800's. Dr Acacio is confident that increasing my dosage of the E2V for the next week will help me get to where I need to be. And the U/S yesterday confirmed that my lining is perfect. So, I'm excited to see this all pan out.

I can't remember if I posted this in the last one but I asked Jill a funny question - I wonder who they are going to tell first that the pregnancy stuck? It's Jill's baby...but I'm the one that's pregnant. Funny to think about. And for all those wondering - I thought I could take a HPT (home pregnancy test) to find out myself but they ask you not to take them. I guess your body is all out of whack with all the horomones that they are not accurate at all. They will do bloodwork 11-12 days after the transfer to find out if it stuck. They test my HCG levels and they have to double pretty much with every test. That's how we'll know.

Oh, I'm excited too - the day before Easter (I almost typed Thanksgiving...what am I thinking?), Scotty, myself and the boys have been invited to Jill's families Easter festivities. I'm really excited to meet everyone and I guess everyone is excited to meet us too. I think it'll be a blast.

Anyway - I guess that's it for now. Oh, I start the nightly injections of progesterone on the 8th which I think is Saturday night. And I'm not too stressed about them. The shots have been fine and I think I'm finally over my fear of needles. I even watched the lady draw my blood on Monday - usually I can't look. Maybe I'll finally make that dentist appointment that I've been so afraid of for the last ____ years (I'm too ashamed to tell you how long it's been).

Jumping in for minute!

2008-02-26T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hi, this is Jill - I think I logged in under Zann, but it's me!

Okay, Zann, you have officially become an expert on the process here -- look at the thorough explanations of this stuff! I knew you'd get up to speed in no time, but I'm impressed -- and thankful, as always. I had to crack up at the injection party... I should have done that back when it was my butt in the air. As for the progesterone shots, that woman from the blog was crazy to try doing them herself -- certainly more brave than I! And here's the good news: the progesterone is now less thick than it was when I first started IVF and how it's described (in oil) on the blog. I believe, Zann, you can use a slightly smaller needle - although it's probably the same one you are using for the E2V. Fun, fun, I know.

Special thanks to all those helping Zann (and saving Scotty) with injections. James and I are so excited to be this close to the big tranfer day!

An Explanation...

2008-02-25T16:36:00.000-08:00

You guys can thank my friend Cassie for this - she posted a comment and was curious as to what the injections were. So, I did a lil' research myself and here ya go :

Right now I'm on daily Lupron injections, E2V injections every Tuesday and Friday and soon I'll be on progesterone injections daily.

Lupron / Leuprolide : Lupron injections are to help shut down the bodies normal hormone production so the doctors can control your cycle and be sure the surrogate's uterus is ready to receive the embryos at the exact time for the best chance of success.

E2V / Estradiol : E2V acts as a growth horomone and it's main goal is to thicken the lining of the uterus. They do Ultrasounds to check the thickness of the lining and if it's too thin, they will increase the dosage of the E2V before the transfer to help make the lining nice and thick. If I'm wrong, please someone correct me but I believe it's just Estrogen.

Progesterone : Progesterone is natually produced by our bodies when we get pregnant. Therefore, since my body is not producing the egg, I will start these injections about a week before the transfer to kind of fool my body into thinking I'm pregnant. And then these injections will continue for a few weeks post transfer. After that point, my body will/should realize I'm pregnant and will start producing it naturally.

Check out this blog entry I found when I was trying to pull up some more info on the drugs I'm taking :

This cycle marks my first exposure to progesterone in oil. I'd always heard how agonizing the injections are, and although I considered myself lucky to have avoided them thus far, I also felt a certain superiority to those who complained. Really, how bad could it be?
Paul dutifully delivered the first injection to my right hip with little fanfare and no pain. This is a breeze, I thought smugly.
The second injection came due after he'd already left town, so I twisted myself into spasms to deliver the injection to my left hip. Because the angle was so awkward, I didn't plunge the needle straight in and ended up wiggling it more than I should have — that is to say, at all. Although the shot itself didn't hurt, the next day the injection site was a bit sore from my deep tissue noodling. This will be a breeze, I thought, if I do the next one in my thigh.
Now, I was told that the injection should be done in the upper outer quadrant of the buttocks. (If you were referring to someone with actual muscles in her ass, you might say "glutes." But we're talking about me, so "well-marbled rump" is more apt.) But you can deliver intramuscular shots into the quadriceps, and I thought I might be able to drive the needle with more accuracy and finesse if I wasn't concurrently herniating a disc. Because, hey, I'm clever.
So today I set to. I warmed the injection site with a hot, damp cloth. I drew up the oil into the syringe. And I plunged it deep into the meat of my thigh.
Don't ever, ever do this.
The injection didn't hurt. But the senation of driving the needle in was extremely upsetting. If you would like to simulate the experience at home, assemble the following:
1 McDonald's drinking straw
3 lb. eye of round, partially frozen
Now stick the straw into the steak. Now imagine, if you will, that the beef is intimately tied into your somatic nervous system.
Yeah, that's the stuff.
I felt a wave of queasiness as I looked at the 1 1/2" needle entirely embedded in my leg. But because I am ten kinds of mighty badass, I steeled myself to complete the injection, which must be delivered slowly...slowly...slowly...ahhhhhh.
This wasn't really such a breeze at all, I concluded as I massaged the injection site with my warm, limp washcloth.
But, again, the shot didn't actually hurt, and once I'd massaged the oil out of its stubborn lump into the depths of my muscle, I was fine, and went gaily about my business.
Now, a scant eight hours later, I am practically crippled.
My right thigh is as sore as if I'd been stabbed with an icepick — not surprising, considering that I was stabbed with an icepick. The muscle throbs even at rest. When I try to walk, I have to fight the urge to drag my leg behind me Quasimodo-style. When I flex my knee, a dull but insistent ache washes over my entire leg. When I put my weight on it — well, look, it just hurts, okay? Jesus, do I have to paint you a picture?
I'm guessing this is why they recommend doing the injections in the upper outer quadrant of the well-marbled rump, a muscle that does significantly less work than the lean, unlarded upper thigh. With newfound humility, I hereby join the ranks of women who complain about how painful PIO injections are. Almost as painful as my stupidity.

E2V #2...DONE

2008-02-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

I had Mara over again last night to do my E2V shot and she brought over Kathy and Nancy as well. The girls were on their way out for the evening so it was a quick stop but since there were 4 of us girls - we were able to document it.

For your viewing enjoyment...

Nurse Mara prepping everything...

Kathy in awe over the large 18g needle...

Kathy practicing in a lime...

Nancy practicing in a lime as well...

E2V #1...mission completed!

2008-02-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

I did it. The first E2V shot in the butt was a success.

Mara, Scotty, Carolyn (my mother in law) and even Sebastien were all there to witness it. Mara is a nurse who works 2 full time jobs as a nurse with both special needs adults and at a convalescent home. She's amazing and I don't know how she does it or how she has time to come over and give me shots in the butt. But she did and I'm grateful. THANKS MARA!

Carolyn and Scotty watched Mara get everything ready. I pulled out the 18g needle to show Scotty and he didn't say much. But a few minutes later, his mom looked over at him and went "wow" and so I looked too. Scotty was pale or even a light shade of yellow. He looked like he was about to pass out. The poor guy can't stand needles. So, he apologized and said "I'm sorry babe - I just can't do it." I told him to go ahead and get out of the kitchen and I totally understood. At this point, I was ready to go grab the bottle of vodka and take a shot of it. I was getting pretty nervous myself. So, Mara got everything ready and Carolyn looked so excited. Mara told me to go lay down on the couch and pull my pants down. (Kind of funny to hear your good friend say). So I laid down and Sebastien was really interested in all that was going on too so he sat on the couch watching me. Mara starting showing Carolyn where to do the shot, how to measure from my hip bone and all that stuff. Scotty started to emerge from the back of the house and offered to take Sebastien away but Sebastien wanted to stay and watch. So Scotty migrated over to the couch to kind of see what was going on. And then that was it - Mara counted to 3, I covered my eyes and nothing. I didn't feel it. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! So nice. I felt it a lil' on the way out but it wasn't bad...at all.

The funniest part was after she was done - Carolyn wanted a go at it. She said "that's it...I don't get to do one." I told her Friday night was all hers. I think Mara will come over again just to supervise. But at this point, I think it'll be Mara and Carolyn doing the shots. I totally understand where Scotty's coming from. I couldn't imagine giving a shot to anyone else either.

A funny thing to mention, which Mara brought up last night. Scotty and I are both somewhat afraid of needles but both of us have multiple tattoos. He's got 4 tattoos, 3 of the 4 were pretty extensive tattoos too - including his whole back piece that's still in progress. And I have 6 tattoos. So, we can subject ourselves to hours of pain with 3 small needles piercing the skin over and over and over but yet a lil' injection scares us. How weird, huh?

Thank you Mara for my shot in the bum! Thanks to Carolyn for being so willing to do this and I can't wait till Friday. And baby - thanks for trying. I love you.

Edited to say - my butt's tender! LOL.

E2V's...here we come!

2008-02-18T23:23:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow is the day. I start the E2V injections tomorrow night. I'm not too excited about them but it has to be done. And I've been asking, and re-asking people about the shots. I've made Jill tell me over and over that they're not that bad. I've made Mara tell me over and over that the butt is the best spot to get the shots. And another girl that is going through a surrogacy has assured me that they aren't that bad. I'm really taking everyone's word on this. I hope everyone is being honest.

The Lupron injections have been going alright. Some days are good, some days are harder. I think I've had 3 injections that have hurt. But when I say hurt, it's not any worse then plucking one of those finicky eyebrow hairs. But the fact that I have a needle in my hand and I have to poke myself with it - I really have to talk myself up on some days. For instance, this morning I texted Mara and told her I couldn't do it after standing at the kitchen counter for over 5 minutes with my shirt up, shot out, aiming at the invisible target (2" from the belly button). She called me immediately and said "MARCH IN THERE AND DO IT." I still couldn't. I would leave the shot in the kitchen, go do some work, come back and look at the shot, try to do it, give up and walk away. It was a horrible pattern for almost 30 minutes today. I know it doesn't hurt...but I just can't do it some days. So, on the last walk of shame to the kitchen, I said a lil' prayer, grabbed the syringe and went for it. Did I feel it...? Absolutely not!

Uggh...the mind over matter thing...I just can't do it. I thought in the begininning that I'd be able to do my own E2V and progesterone injections but I don't think I can.

My lovely friend Mara is coming over tomorrow night to help with the first E2V and show Scotty and possibly Carolyn how to do them. I think she'll be the first one to actually do it. Maybe I'll grab some pictures of the event tomorrow night.

I had the baseline U/S today and had some bloodwork done. (Again, weird that I can handle getting bloodwork done but I'm dreading a needle in the butt tomorrow night...I don't understand either). I'm sure everything was fine...the U/S tech said everything looked great. I have to say that I'm still amazed about the whole science behind the surrogacy. Dr Acacio gets all his patients on the same cycle so he can do all the transfers at the same time. And then gives us all these drugs to prep our bodies for the transfer. Ahh, it just blows me away. Oh, something fun - I was in the lab getting bloodwork and I was discussing payment with them and they asked who my Dr was. I said Dr Acacio and there was another lady in their doing bloodwork and she spoke up and said "You're the other one." Her and I were both patients of Dr Acacio and are on the same cycle and I guess the office told her that there were 2 patients of Dr Acacio on today. She's on here 3rd try for IVF, first time with Dr Acacio and has high hopes that he's going to be the Doc to make this happen. So, I have the feeling I might see her down South in March for the transfer!!! I hope so!!!

Alright - my battery is about to die so I'm gonna wrap it up for the night. Wish me luck, think happy, painless thoughts for me tomorrow night. And I'll let you know how it goes!

a conglomeration of things...

2008-02-14T11:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day to everyone!!!

First and foremost, a big thank you to Scotty who surprised me this morning with a box of chocolate and a dozen red roses. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning 'cos Spencer had a rough night last night and so I laid in bed till about 8am. Got up, got the boys ready and walked out to the kitchen to put the bottles from the night away and there awaiting me was a surprise. I was shocked. What a great surprise this morning. It put a HUGE smile on my face and the boys were quite impressed as well. Although Sebastien kept looking at them and calling them "fish." Don't ask 'cos I have no idea...

Secondly - how cute are these kids. For some of you that don't know Scotty and I. These are our 2 boys. Sebastien is the oldest and Spencer is the youngest one. I got them dressed this morning in their dress shirts 'cos they're having a Valentines Day Party at daycare so I figured, "hey, impress the ladies."
And lastly and most importantly...

NO MORE BCP's FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you that aren't familiar with all the medical slang - BCP stands for Birth Control Pills. I took my last pill last night and I am done. Now you all may wonder why this excites me so much, so let me tell you. I realized about 2 weeks ago why I stopped taking the BCP's after Scotty and I got married. Hence the reason we had 2 kids...both accidents (in which we wouldn't trade for the world). I was MOOD-Y. And when I say moody, I mean moody. I could not stay on top of my emotions and the last 2 weeks, I think I cried at least 5 times a day. I got upset at the lil' things. Oh, it was horrible. Poor Dr Acacio and Jill got an email from me on Monday pleading for help. I told them I needed either a different BCP or some mood altering drugs. And then I looked at my FET calendar and realized I got to stop taking them on Wednesday. So, I emailed them both back and said nevermind and that I would be able to make it till Wednesday. After a few emails were exchanged between the 3 of us, Dr Acacio even called to check in on me and to make sure I wasn't on a ledge ready to jump off. Very sweet of him. Anyway, back to the BCP - guess what I did with them this morning!?!?!?
Yep, that's right - they went down the toilet. ALL GONE!!!

When I said up top "LASTLY," I was just kidding. Some people have asked when the transfer is supposed to take place. Jill and I will meet down in LA on March 10th. During the next couple of days, I will have daily ultrasounds to check the uterine lining and make sure that there's a good lining for the embryo to attach to. Once the lining is just right, they will do the transfer. It's on the calendar to happen anywhere between March 10-13th. After that, it's about 4 days of bedrest for me and then we wait. I think Dr Acacio said I can take a pregnancy test about 12 days after the transfer and we will know whether or not it took.

i did it...i did it...

2008-02-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

The first one was Saturday morning and the boys were snowboarding and Jen and I got all 4 kids to play nicely for a few minutes. I pulled my lil' box out of the freezer and when I told Jen I was going to to do it in the bathroom, she said no way. (I wanted to do it in the bathroom in case I cried). She wanted to be there for me. So, I pulled up my shirt, nasty stretchmarks and all and went for it. I jabbed it in pretty fast and low and behold, I felt NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. I couldn't believe it. I pulled out the needle very excited and I think I gave Jen a high five and I had a huge smile on my face. I couldn't believe I had just given myself my very own shot!!!

So, Sunday morning I woke up and I wasn't dreading the shot at all. But low and behold, I didn't jab myself very fast and it actually hurt a lil' and even bled a lil'. I was a bit sad that it hurt. But I figured, tomorrow's another day and I'll just have to try again.

That leads me to today. Since I have to keep the Lupron refrigerated, I was in the kitchen and I decided to make myself some toast and get my syringe ready. I was going to use my toast as my distraction and my lil' reward. LOL. So, I had the syringe ready and I swabbed down my tummy with the alcohol wipe and waited for it to dry. I cringed a lil' thinking about yesterday's not so good shot and decided just to jab it in fast. I did it...it didn't hurt. I was so relieved. I enjoyed my toast as my treat and was proud yet again. 3 shots down...many more to come.

The trick is - JAB IT IN FAST! Just go for it. That's the way it's going to work for me.

And since James and Jill didn't make it up to Rocklin, we only got tons of pictures of the kids. Sorry...

What a trooper!!!!

2008-02-10T09:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm finally catching up on my blog reading after being out (and I mean OUT) sick all week. I feel so horrible - yet so thankful that these needles have not scared Zann off quite yet! Boy, I've done it four times, so I know the overwhelming feeling she has, but it has to be different when you're doing it for someone else. She really is amazing for doing this (can I ever say that enough??). I spoke with her yesterday and she survived the first injection!! The Lupron ones really aren't bad, as far as shots go. And the others, while certainly not a day at the park, are not terrible once you get the hang of it. But the learning process is intimidating -- I'm glad Zann has a great sense of humor about all of this. I do want to say thanks again - in case they're reading - to Nurse Linda and my step-mom Teresa for helping teach Zann. I know they'll be there for her as she progresses to the next ones too.

Unfortunately, we should be in Rocklin this morning making breakfast with everyone, but because of my flu, we decided to stay away. Don't want to risk giving anyone this horrible bug! I'm hoping Zann partied a bit last night (Kev, did you make Cosmos?!). I want her to have lots of fun before that transfer just in case we get lucky and make a baby. And would someone please take her snowboarding?!!!! She's been dying to go since I met her and we have yet to help her make it happen. I really want her to enjoy a few runs asap, in hopes that she'll be on hiatus this spring.

Okay, that's it for me. I feel a bit helpless in the process right now, but I know Zann is carefully following her calendar, taking her shots and vitamins, etc. So keep up the good work girl!

holy cow...can you see this...

2008-02-07T14:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know I'm being a lil' overdramatic here but just to give you an idea of the sizes of needles...take a look...

Sorry the pictures aren't so clear but the syringe is the diabetic needle that I start with on Saturday morning. That will have the Lupron in it and I can give it to myself in the tummy. No big deal. That doesn't scare me.

Do you see the needle that has the pink type of cap on it. Can you see how THICK that thing is in comparison to the small diabetic needle? See it...??? Well, that's an 18gauge needle. It's MASSIVE. Now, for the good news - I don't have to inject myself with that needle. THANK GOD. But I have to draw up the E2V with that and then inject myself with a 25gauge needle. Good Lord, when I pulled the cap off of that needle, I wanted to faint. But Linda was here to reassure me that that needle was ONLY to draw up the medicine with. I haven't looked at the 25gauge needle yet but I know it's the same length - just smaller in diameter.

Thanks again to Linda and Teresa for driving over here on their lunch break to explain all this to me. It makes a lot more sense to me now and it looks manageable.

Like I said - I start the Lupron injections on Saturday (with Jen...he he) and then the E2V shots start on the 19th if I'm cleared from the baseline Ultrasound on Monday.

pictures....

2008-02-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

I finally grabbed the camera from my mother in laws house...here ya go...

A lil' overwhelming, don't you think? The small needles in the last picture don't scare me as much. Those are the small diabetic needles that I can choose either my tummy or my upper thigh to inject myself with. It's the bigger ones that are about 2" long and look way thick that scare me. Once I start opening up those packages, I'll take a picture for you...

I tried attaching a copy of my calendar showing all the meds I have to take but it doesn't do it justice on here - it's too small to read. Oh well.

Oh, I forgot to mention, rumor has it that all the horomones that I'll be taking really help (being sarcastic there) with putting on weight. I'm really sensitive to any kind of medication and so the birth control that I'm on already is already helping with the weight now too. FUN! I feel my arms expanding by the day and my thighs touching more and more. I hate it. That's what I don't like taking medication. Even ask my husband...he was ready to call Dr Acacio and ask when I get to get off birth control. I've become pretty moody and have developed the art of "Crying at the drop of a dime for no apparent reason." It's pretty impressive...well for some. Well, maybe for none.

I haven't asked her yet but I know she reads my blog. In fact, she's the one that's helping me make it look pretty. Rachel - will you start walking with me so I don't blow up like a big pumpkin? Otherwise, I might have to be rolled around like this pumpkin...

Alright - I'll quit boring you for the day. I'll post tomorrow after Linda and Teresa come over to show me how to jab myself and sort through this box o' horomones.

it's here...

2008-02-05T13:52:00.000-08:00

All I have to say is....

I'M SCARED!!!

I'm being a lil' sarcastic but a lil' not. LOL. I called Jill immediately and asked her what everything was. Seriously - it's a serious druggie's dream come true. I'll get my camera from my in-laws house this afternoon and show you all what my life will consist of the next few months. Should be interesting.

Oh, and I told my boss this morning. I was a bit scared of what he thought 'cos he means a lot to me and I don't want to put him out too much with this whole process. He took it pretty good. So, that's a big weight lifted off my shoulders. Phew...

Needles, needles and more needles - oh my!!

the drugs are coming...

2008-02-04T14:52:00.000-08:00

...this kind of scares me. Actually it really scares me. But I know it won't be that bad. It's just the anticipation that they are coming. The pharmacy called this afternoon to confirm my delivery address and to see when I wanted them. So, they'll be here tomorrow. I'll feel like a drug dealer 'cos Jill says it's pretty overwhelming when you first open the box but it's not that bad. I'm really learning to lean on Jill for support 'cos she's been through this all herself. She says the shots aren't that bad and I'm really believing her. I have to!

Jill's also arranged for Teresa to bring her nurse friend Linda over on Thursday to teach me how to inject myself since I don't want to drive down to LA to learn. Linda taught Jill I guess and says she's really great. So, I'm looking forward to meeting Teresa and Linda. I'll update you all on Thursday to let you know how scared I really am. LOL. And I'll try to post pictures tomorrow of my "box o' fun" containing sharp, pokey needles tomorrow.

I also talked to my "council" today about the contract. Man, all this law lingo makes my brain hurt. All I want to do is help James and Jill out but because of the surrogacy, you have to jump through a lot of hoops. It's all good but it gets a bit tedious. The good thing is, my "council" (I use parenthesis just 'cos I don't know exactly what she is to me) is great. She's very kind and has actually gone through about 17 IVF treatments and finally had her cousin be her surrogate. So, she encouraged me about all the shots and reaffirmed what I was doing was a wonderful thing. She's got a sense of humor too and I like that.

I give my first injection on Saturday morning. It's of the Lupron. Jill says it's a small diabetic needle and I can give it to myself in either the stomach or the thigh. The funny thing is, we'll be up in Rocklin visiting our friends Kevin and Jen. Jen will be my support and I'm sure we'll get a good laugh at it all. The boys will be off snowboarding. So, Jen will have to hold my hand through it all. James and Jill are going to head to Rocklin Saturday night to hang out. So, it'll be a good weekend of catching up with everyone. Funny thing about this whole thing on Saturday night - I forgot to tell Jen that I invited James and Jill over. As I was typing this - I realized I hadn't told Jen about this plan yet. Luckily Jen is such a great sport and thought it was a great idea and would have invited them herself had she known the plans...lol. (SORRY JEN). We'll post some pictures of our party. And hopefully then, you can get an idea who we are, who James and Jill are and a bonus - Kevin and Jen. Oh, and all the cute stinkin' kids.

Well, that's my story for the day - I'll show you the needles tomorrow...

a monday afternoon....

2008-01-28T15:55:00.000-08:00

I better be quick 'cos there's a scheduled outage happening in t-minus 6 minutes. I don't really have anything new to report. We are working on the contracts and all the stuff. Fun, eh? I got an email on Sunday from Jill - it was actually to our nurse but it's an email about ordering meds. This is when the shots begin and I'm getting a lil' ansy about them. I know I'll be fine 'cos I tolerate pain very well. But it's just the whole anticipation that's getting to me.

Oh, after 2 long weeks of my darling, unemployed husband searching vigorously for a Nintento Wii, we got one. The lovely manager at Toys R Us started feeling bad for him 'cos he was in almost every other day and calling multiple times a day finally said he'd hold one for him. So, I'm going to create my wii character tonight and play video games. WOO HOO!! I'm not a geek, I promise.

Anyway - hoping you all have a good day!

Nice segway Zann...

2008-01-25T11:41:00.000-08:00

Well, since Zann gave me a nice little intro in her last post, I thought it was a good time to hop on and write a bit. This is my first blog, by the way, so I hope I'm doing this right! Greeting from chilly Reno!

First, thanks to Zann and Scott for coming up with this great blog idea. So many of my family and friends have enjoyed reading it (okay, half of them said they cried!) and all are looking forward to the story unfolding. James and I are just so thrilled and feel so blessed to have such an amazing couple offer to do this. This little baby will be so loved. I think right now is the hardest part which is getting the ball rolling. Zann has been so patient in helping me sift through the red tape required to move forward. Hopefully, in just a few weeks, she'll be complaining to me about injections and I'll be promising a killer spa day when it's over! Seriously though, for anyone who hasn't gone through IVF, it's a real commitment and I'm still amazed at her generousity.

For those of you who we haven't met, I think Zann filled you in on most of our backstory. We have been trying for a family for three years now and have done 4 rounds of IVF. After a surgery in 2004, my body developed excessive scar tissue and that, combined with some nasty elevated natural killer cells, left me an inhospitable host! (Friends reference if anyone remembers) Anyway, enough about that boring stuff. We are so excited to start this new adventure with the help of Zann and Scott -- and look forward to sharing it with all of you!

the blogging begins...

2008-01-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

So, I sent the link out last night to a lot of friends/family that have expressed interest in staying up to date with the whole process of this surrogacy and I even sent it to Jill. I was laying in bed last night freaking out though 'cos I sent Jill the link and hadn't heard from her all day. I thought to myself, "crap, I don't know if was okay that I post some of the information about Jill and James." So, I emailed her first thing this morning and thankfully she just didn't check her email yesterday afternoon and just got to read it today. Like myself, she said she's an open book so share away. PHEW!!!!

I've also given Jill access to this blog in hopes that she will give a big hello to everyone as well. I thought it'd be great for her to express on here her thoughts and feelings as she is just as much involved in this journey as I am! I can't wait to hear ("see" if we want to be technically correct) what she has to say...

january 18th...another day in paradise (huh?)

2008-01-21T15:31:00.000-08:00

Who can honestly equate LA to Paradise? Anyone???

We drove to Rock-It on Friday morning so I could work half day. I took Scotty with me since we were meeting James, Jill, and the pyshcologist at Loew's Hotel Lobby later that afternoon. We were driving in to Rock-It that morning and there was a nasty brown haze sitting on LA. It was quite disgusting. And yes, although I live in cow country and the smell grosses some people out, I'll take the smell over that brown haze any day. Oh, and the traffic - thank God for small towns!!

We met with the pychologist after it took us over 45 minutes to go about 10 miles. She met with Scotty and I first and asked some general questions and then got into the nitty-gritty questions. It was the kind of questions that immediately kill any kind of good mood that might be there. But it's all questions that need to be on the contract. It's questions about death, life support, accidents - all that sad kind of stuff. But at least we're all on the same page.

Now, some of you may want to know Scotty and I's heart behind all this. The first question that the lady asked us is "Why do you want to do this?" Here it is :

Since Scotty and I had Sebastien in April 2005, our lives have been filled with a joy that we had never experienced or knew existed. So much love, so much joy...oh ALL the good feelings of the world wrapped up in one lil' bundle. We then had Spencer in August 2006 and our lives were changed yet again. All that joy and love multiplied. In my experience, giving gifts is more enjoyable and more rewarding than anything. If we can help James and Jill experience that joy and that love, that is a gift that I want to give. It makes my heart incredibly happy to think that I might be able to give them something that they're heart has yearned for for years. And to me, 9 months of my life is nothing compared to the life that I will continue living after I have their baby and the life that it will continue to lead once I'm gone. As some will not be able to imagine doing this for someone else, I can't imagine not doing this for James and Jill. Scotty and I believe in God and we believe that God has placed James and Jill in our lives for a reason. I really feel like this is it.

Alright, now that that's out of the way - back to the meeting. Sorry, bunny trail again...

After Scotty and I talked to the lady separately, we then had James and Jill join the discussion. We went over our expectations, what were some of the things we wanted, etc. We talked about the awkward question of "Will James be in the room when the baby is born?" And for those of you that want to know - I have agreed to "He can be at my head" 'cos I think it's just as important for him to be in the room as it's his lil' baby being born. I can't picture him in the waiting room like in the 60's and 70's with a cigar in hand waiting for the nurse to come out and tell him he has a baby _____. So, both him and Jill will be allowed. We talked about pre-natal appointments for me and if I expect Jill to be at all my appointments. No way, especially now that she's in Reno and it's impossible to be there for all of them. I would love for her, and I know she wants to be here for the gender ultrasound and all that good stuff. We talked about whether or not this baby would know "this" story when he/she grows up. We talked about what our expectations are after I give birth. We talked about how to handle Sebastien and Spencer and any questions they might have. All these crazy questions, I can't even remember them all to write them down now.

But in the end, the lady expressed that we are a great match and this will be a great experience for all involved. I can't help but think the same thing.

Oh, and also, the Loew's hotel does sit right on the beach in Santa Monica and we sat and overlooked the ocean during the interview. I will give the credit that is due to LA, when you're at the beach and watching a gorgeous sunset and you can't see the traffic and the smog, it is beautiful.

I'm honored that James and Jill would entrust my uterus with their lil' frozen embryos. I promise to give myself those shots daily (yikes) and to give that baby a perfect uterus to grow in for 9 months. I would hope that New Years Eve 2008, James and Jill will be at home snuggling their new lil' baby and Scotty and I would be toasting to each other - a job well done. Scotty is just as part of this as I am as he is, and will be my number one supporter. He's an amazing man for agreeing to his wife carry another couples baby. But he has a big heart, probably bigger than mine when it comes to giving. A lot of you probably don't know it but it's true. This is a journey for our whole family...even Sebastien and Spencer who may or may not remember this. But we are all in this together.

For all the friends and family and even strangers who might come upon this blog, keep EVERYONE involved in your prayers. We are all going to need it.

Oh, and a hello to all of James and Jill's family. Hopefully you'll get to know us a lil' better through this blog and hopefully we will all get to meet someday.

january 17th - back in LA (day 1)

2008-01-21T14:59:00.000-08:00

Oh welcome to LA! I remember driving to breakfast last Thursday morning with Scotty and as we drove in and tried to find parking, I thought - who would want to live here and why? And why did I live her for 28 years. Yuck!!!

We met James and Jill for brekkies in Long Beach and we took my mom and the boys along. My mom wanted to meet the couple in who's baby I was going to carry. She's VERY supportive of what Scotty and I are choosing to do and has even said, "If I would have been able to do something like this when I was your age, I would have done it in a heartbeat." It's very encouraging to have your family behind you. Even Scotty's mom thinks what we're doing is great. Wow, I get on bunny trails...sorry. We got together for brekkies and sat and talked for a long time. James and Jill have since moved to Reno so we hadn't seen them for ages. We got to catch up on life in general. It was a good time.

We then met at Dr Acacio's office at 3pm that day and I finally got to meet the famous man that Jill talks about. She is correct when she said that Dr Acacio is great. Such a genuine and caring doctor. He explained a lot of the "unknowns" regarding the whole "science of making babies" to us and showed us on paper what a lil' embryo looks like. He answered my silly question of "will the baby have some of my blood." And for those of you that are curious to that answer - NOPE...the baby is all James and Jill's. The placenta acts as the worlds best filter. Say my blood type is O and James and Jill have bloodtypes of A and B, there is no way that baby will be born with O type blood. It's impossible. He stressed that as much as James and Jill are his patients, I am now his patient too and an important one at that.

After we talked in his office, we had to run some tests. Unfortunately and unbeknowst to Scotty, he had to participate in testing too. When I asked to go pee (knowing I'd have to pee in a cup), they came back with 2 cups. One for me, one for Scotty. The four of us stood their baffled. Why would they need Scotty's urine? Then they had me give blood - 3 BIG vials...yikes. After I was taken back to another room for the ultrasound, I guess they came and got Scotty 'cos he had to give blood as well. Turns out, our tests have to go through the FDA. All I can say about that is : WEIRD.

I then had a lovely ultrasound in which I learned I have a perfect uterus. I asked Dr Acacio if I got a sticker for that or a bigger lollipop at the conclusion of our appointment. He just laughed and snapped a few extra ultrasound pictures and said he was going to use those in a textbook. I'm quite proud of my uterus. :) He also said it was the best uterus he had seen all week. (Side note - Scotty was quite proud and blabbed to Zach & Susie about my uterus). What a proud husband. LOL.

After all that, we met with the nurse who went over a few last details and got a tentative calendar...and here it is :

I continue with the normal birth control pillls till the 13th of February.
I start the Lupron injections on the 9th of February (have I mentioned I'm not a fan of needles?)
I have a baseline Ultrasound on the 18th of February
The actual transfer of the Embryo's will be anywhere between March 10th-14th

Somewhere in there, I have to start the other injections which are a bigger needle and will require assistance in injecting them as they are kind of above my butt. Jill said that when she had to do them, James got pretty good at them. Scotty says he's up for trying. I also have Mara who I know will help, Kasey that has offered and my mother in law as well. And today, Jill even offered her step-mom Teresa to help with the injections. I guess I feel honored that so many people want to inject horomones into my bum! LOL.

Oh, and I forgot to mention - we have agreed on 2 lil' embryo's to be transferred. We're hoping for the best and at least one sticks. If both stick....WOW...but at this point, we're hoping at least 1 sticks. They refer to one as a singleton. It's kind of cute. I still can't fathom carrying twins but if it comes to it - I will. Just bring on the Ben & Jerry's. I think James will need a few drinks and a few "Guys Night Out" nights to wrap his head around 2 babies too. I won't be the only one in shock...

the beginning begins...

2008-01-21T14:31:00.000-08:00

I don't know how to begin this per say so I guess I'll start with the typical introduction...

"Hi, I'm Zann."

This is going to be a blog for anyone and everyone that's interested in the next adventure in our life. And when I say "our" life, I'm talking about my family and I's life. My husband is Scotty and we have 2 gorgeous toeheads, Sebastien and Spencer. They are the joy of our lives.

We met Jill and James in April/May of 2006 through our mutual friends Kevin and Jen. I think our first official meeting was at a birthday party for Kevin and Jen's lil' boy. It could have been before that but since I have a horrible memory, I can't tell you for sure. We knew that James and Jill had been through a few IVF treatments but didn't really know their story. I just remember my heart broke for Jill the first time we talked 'cos you could see in her eyes how much she wanted a baby. Again, lack of a good memory makes me doubt the next statement but I believe between May and December, James and Jill tried one more IVF treatment that was unsuccesful.

Scotty and James worked together, along with Kevin whom I mentioned above, and so we all attended the annual holiday hoopla to mingle and be uncomfortable with a bunch of people you don't really know. We were lucky to snatch a table and all sit down for dinner together. We were talking about the unsucessful IVF treatment and what their options were at this point. Basically, it came down to adoption for them. I leaned over and whispered in Jen's ear first while the guys were getting a drink, "I want to be a surrogate for her" in which she freaked out and said "OH MY GOSH" with a big smile on her face. Once Scotty got back, I leaned over to him and said "Hey babe, I want to be a surrogate for James and Jill" and instead of getting a response like :
"Are you out of your mind?" or
"You're crazy." or even
"Heck no."
He looked at me and he said "Heck yeah." I couldn't believe his response 'cos I was starting to think I was crazy. We told James and Jill and I think the best description would be floored and shocked at the same time. But they both had huge smiles on their faces. I knew at that moment that they were put in our lives for a reason. We agreed to let the holidays pass, or moreso, survive the holidays, and we'd get together after the New Year. I remember going home that night and having so much joy. If all was to go well, I'd help give 2 people the chance at being a family.

We got together a few weeks later and sat down and talked over pizza. At that point, we had discussed doing surrogacy for James and Jill with our families and everyone was supportive of us. I don't even really remember what we talked about that night but I think it was to just make sure the 4 of us were all on the same page. Scotty and I wanted to help them have a baby and they were interested in us helping. Jill gave me all the information on her doctor and wanted me to contact him and ask ANY and ALL questions that I could possibly have. Let me tell you, that girl knows her stuff. I know she's going to teach me a lot about this process since she's gone through it herself.

Over the year, 2007 that is, we talked about it but never really set anything up. Early December, Jill sent me a lovely email just giving us an out if we needed one. You see, Scotty got laid off in October and hasn't been able to find any work and she didn't want the added stress of having their baby put on top of all that. She said that James' lil' sister had offered to help them out and she was ready to go now. And they were really keen to get going on the process and if I wasn't ready. She just wanted me to let her know and they would use her instead. I emailed her right back after talking to Scotty and just said that I'm still highly interested, that I know I can carry babies and I already have all the stretchmarks to go along with it. So that was it. We started to really move forward at that point.

She scheduled the first of the appointments. The meeting with Dr Acacio and his staff was on January 17th and then we had to meet with a pyschologist on the 18th (you know, to make sure we were somewhat sane).

So as the title states - the begininning begins...