the plan so far...

So, this time is a bit different since we're doing a fresh cycle. There's no set date for the transfer as it all depends on when Jill's body produces enough follicles to where they will trigger the ovulation to retrieve the eggs. So, I'll tell you what I know as of Wednesday morning, July 2nd...

Jill flies out over the weekend to LA and her first appointment is on Tuesday morning in which she will have an ultrasound. At that point, they will either determine when they will do the retrieval or they will say we need to wait a few days and do another ultrasound to check follicles. Now, when Dr Acacio is happy with what he sees, they will give Jill a shot that will trigger ovulation and 36hrs from the time she receives that shot is when they will retrieve all her lil' eggs. James has his ticket booked to fly in on Thursday to meet Jill and Dr Acacio and make his contribution. (And when I say James flies in on Thursday - it doesn't mean the retrieval will be Thursday).

So, once the retrieval is done, I will know exactly when I have to be down for the transfer. Depending on the amount of eggs that are retrieved, Jill and James have decided to do genetic testing to make sure that these lil' embryo's are good and healthy. Basically, if they have more than 3 embryos, they will do the genetic testing. If there is only 3 or less than 3, they will go ahead and transfer all 3 without doing the genetic testing. Reason being, with genetic testing, there is a chance that one of the embryos could not make it so they'd rather not run that risk. But if there is more than 3, they will do the genentic testing. So as of now, the plan is to transfer 5 day embryo's into me sometime between the 14-18th.

It's coming up quicker than I thought it would and it's a bit insane to think that it's just 2 weeks away. I guess you can say I've been a lil' guarded this time and as I was talking about it last night with some great friends of ours, I realized that I was a lil' naive last time. I know I thought everything was going to work out perfect and we were going to make James and Jill's dream of having a family happen. I guess I just pushed aside the factors against us and was naive. This time, I feel more guarded 'cos it is devastating to learn it didn't work.

My goal here is the same as last time. It was great to talk about it last night again and get that excitement back. I want James and Jill to experience the joy of holding their own child. Gazing into their lil' ones eyes. Hearing them laugh for the first time, hearing them giggle for the first time. All those joys - that's what I want more than anything for James and Jill. I still can't fathom not being able to have my own children and I don't know how Jill has coped with it. I know it hasn't been easy and that's why I just want to see so badly her holding her own child in her arms. I really want this to work this time and I hope the fresh embryos and the chance of transfering more than one will give us a great success rate!!

So, I think that's it for the day. If you would, just keep all of us in prayer over the next 2 weeks. I know we would all appreciate that.

mexican riviera...

Here we come!!!

Just thought it'd be fun to post that I think we have agreed on our vacation next year. We and our friends Kevin and Jen and Chris and Kasey have been planning a vacation for the end of next May (after baby[ies] of course). We really wanted to do Hawaii but it's bloody expensive. So, we started tossing up other ideas and Kasey came up with a cruise. So, we went and got some cruise books today from the Cruise Experts downtown and started to look into it more. We called Jen as soon as we got back too and asked her what she thought of a cruise and she's all for it. So, I think the decision is made.

Mexican Riviera - here we come.

WATCH OUT!!!

Scotty and I have never been on a cruise but the others have. So, this will be a new experience for all of us. How can you go wrong with warm sunny weather, beaches, and all you can eat food!?!?!? Seriously, how can you go wrong with just the last part. (For those that don't know me - I love food. Sadly enough, you can tell too.)

So, if you have any good "cruising" advise, please pass it on!

Oh, and by the way - still haven't been able to do the stupid Lupron shots. Still a whimp here.

let it be said...

I AM A WHIMP!!!

That's right...you heard me. I'm a whimp. I don't know what it is but I can't do the Lupron injections. It sucks. It's a bit depressing and I almost cried a lil' on Saturday when I couldn't do it. I don't know what it is but I stand there at the kitchen counter, trying to talk myself into doing it and I just can't!!!! Mind over matter isn't working for me either.

I called my good friend Jen on Saturday morning to have her help me do it. If most of you remember, Jen was with me the first time I did an injection. I did it with no problem and I think I did it 'cos I couldn't whimp out in front of someone. So I called her and I said, I'm having trouble doing it...tell me I can do it. Bless her heart, she stayed on the phone with me for about 20 minutes while trying to pack, counting to 3 over and over and over and over. We tried the bribery method - "you can't have coffee till you do it." That didn't work. We tried positive reinforcements and that didn't work. Nothing did.

The sad thing is - I know it doesn't hurt. I know, I know, I know it doesn't hurt. But there's just something about me having a needle in my hand that is freaking me out this time around. It's a bit embarassing.

So, lucky for me - my mother in law lives right around the corner and I called her and asked her to do it for me. She so happliy obliged 'cos she loves this kind of stuff and came over shortly there after and was done in about 2.2 seconds. Did the same thing yesterday and the same thing today. I just don't think it's in me to do it anymore. Maybe I'll try it one of these mornings but who knows.

I think what happened was, my very last Lupron shot that I gave myself in the last round was a bit painful so I have a bad taste in my mouth. I went in a lil' sideways and left a bruise on my tummy that lasted for weeks. So, I think I'm just afraid that I'll do it wrong again.

Well, I guess that it's...the whimp shall sign out now!

the 14th is coming...

I can't believe the 14th is almost already here. I can't wait to start the injections again on Saturday (hint of sarcasm there). Actually, those ones don't bother me all that much. It's the mind over matter game with those ones. Most of you might remember that those are the ones that on some mornings would take me over half an hour to do. It's not that they hurt. It was the fact that I had to jab myself with a needle that got me. I mean, I pluck my eyebrows. And you know when you get one of those thick, stubborn hairs that hurt and make your eyes water...well, the shots don't even hurt that bad. It's just the fact that I have to jab myself.

It's the progesterone and E2V shots that hurt more. And when I say hurt, I more so mean, they don't tickle.

This lil' bit is for Jill but you can be nosy if you want.

Jill, last night, we went to Tahoe Joe's with some friends to do $1.99 appetizers for happy hour. Talk about being in heaven. Railroad shrimp, onion straws, hamburgers, all the deep fried goodness you can imagine for $1.99. There were six of us and I think we got about 14 appetizers and just sat them on the table and chowed down. $30 ain't bad for all that food. LOL. Okay, well that wasn't the point of the story. We were sitting there trying to figure out what to do next since Happy Hour was over and I brought up Acequia on Main and their famous bread pudding. So, we all got in our cars and drove downtown for the famous dessert (all my idea). We got there and were sad to learn that not only do they not make that dessert anymore, the previous owner quit. Upped and left one day in January and closed his doors. No more flat iron steaks and no more bread pudding. We were all really sad but the $2.50 draft beers they serve all day/every day somewhat made up for it. And they had a pretty good tiramisu. But I was sad. And wanted to tell you. I don't think Acequia on Main will ever be what it was. So, just in case you come to town soon and want to go out for a good meal...don't go to Acequia on Main 'cos it just ain't the same.

Anyway - that's the news on this front. Still nothing exciting. I'll let you know how Saturday goes and if I still have my skills at jabbing my belly.

it's getting closer...

Sorry for the slack on my part in keeping everyone updated. There's really nothing new except that Jill and I are patiently waiting for everything to start. I can't remember when Jill starts her meds but we're both on Birth Control Pills for right now. As some of you remember, I do not do well on BCP's. I'm trying a different one this round and for right now, I think I'm okay. I've noticed I get a lil' funky sometimes in the evening but it hasn't been as bad as last time. And according to my calendar, I have to take it till the 18th. I start my Lupron injections on the 14th (those are the small belly shots that use a diabetic needle.) Pretty quick...pretty painless. Both Jill and I have baseline ultrasounds on the 23rd.

I got all my meds in the mail the other day. It's still overwhelming pulling out packs and packs of needles and lil' vials of drugs. I feel like some closet junky a lil' bit.

As far as emotions go, life has been pretty hectic for us so I haven't really had time to process everything again. I feel like since I know what the next few weeks are going to be like, maybe I'll just try to process all the emotions as I go. I think for now, I'm obviously more pessimistic than I was last time. I guess I just want to guard myself a lil' more 'cos I was 100% sure it was going to work last time. I know this time, we will have more going for us...freshies especially...and more than one. So, I know I'll probably be more optimistic but right now, I feel a lil' guarded.

Alright - I'm signing off for now. I think I'm going to go next door and yell at the dang dog that's been barking non-stop all morning.

for those of you chomping at the bits...

So, Jill and I have been talking and discussing the possibility of trying again...and it looks like we're going to give it another go. There are still a few more things that need to be sorted but we are moving forward with trying one last time.

For those of you wondering - since James and Jill have no more frozen embryos, we are going with a fresh cycle. So, Jill will be prepping her body to prepare eggs and then we'll have to time it perfectly so that when her eggs are ready (I keep picturing a kitchen timer - *DING*), my body will be ready and they will transfer more than one fresh embryo (and in the IVF world, they are called "freshies.") I know our chances will be a lot better with doing a fresh cycle vs a frozen cycle. We'll have multiple embryo's this time to which will increase our chances. Last round was about a 30% chance when we learned that only one emby survived the defrost. Hopefully this one will be up in the 90th percentile.

Exciting news, huh!

Sorry for keeping you all in suspense for so long. But there was stuff that needed to be sorted out so I didn't really have anything to update you with!! Thanks for being patient.

too funny...

I just thought this was too funny and wanted to pass it off...

My friend Capi called me and said there's a preview for a new movie that I had to watch. It's called "Baby Mama" and it's about surrogacy. She said that her and her husband watched it and they just said "OH MY GOSH, IT'S ZANN."

So, I watched it and it's hilarious...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU34zV9A3gU

Click the link above if you want to watch it. I think I'm for sure going to make an effort to go see this one.