waiting sucks...

I honestly hate this...waiting sucks!!!

I have so many emotions involved in this and the waiting is just eating at me. I went in for the first of two beta tests today. I have the next one on Wednesday morning and hopefully that afternoon, they'll alert Dr Acacio's office who will then alert Jill what the outcome is.

I have such a variety of emotions going through me. I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm anxious, I'm scared, you name it - I'm probably feeling it.

We got together with James and Jill's family on Saturday and had a great time meeting everyone. A big thank you to everyone we met for just opening up your home and your family to us. We were so honored to be there. The boys had a blast as well and were so worn out by the time we got home. They slept pretty solidly that night, as did Scotty and I. So, thank you again. It was a pleasure meeting all of you.

I wanted to post last night but I'm glad I didn't. I was in a very somber mood I guess you can say and was putting Sebastien down for the night and like I said, I have so many emotions going on right now. I want this surrogacy thing to work out so bad. I want James and Jill to have a shot at being parents. I want them to experience what I get to experience everyday - the joy of a child. I think I've been so confident that this whole process was/is going to work that I really haven't taken the time to think about what if it doesn't. I HATE to think along those lines but I think now that we're getting closer to finding out, I'm scared of the outcome. I think I'll be devastated if it doesn't work out. See...didn't want to go there 'cos no need to be negative but I guess I am just getting out my thoughts.

Anyways - I just want to say a big thanks to everyone that is following this blog, to our families and friends (ours and James and Jills).

James and Jill - you have no idea how many people are holding out hope for you and saying prayers that this surrogacy took. So many prayers, so many well wishes. People you don't even know and probably will never know. I'm so proud to call them my friends and family. They have supported Scotty and I in our decision to help you guys and have offered help, meals, support all along the way.

That's it - being way too sappy! Way too emotional!

Here's to another 2 days of waiting...

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!