too funny...

I just thought this was too funny and wanted to pass it off...

My friend Capi called me and said there's a preview for a new movie that I had to watch. It's called "Baby Mama" and it's about surrogacy. She said that her and her husband watched it and they just said "OH MY GOSH, IT'S ZANN."

So, I watched it and it's hilarious...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU34zV9A3gU

Click the link above if you want to watch it. I think I'm for sure going to make an effort to go see this one.

a sad day...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but unfortunately, this lil' embryo just wasn't meant to be. Jill just called me a few moments ago and I knew from the second I picked up that it wasn't going to be good news. It's hard to hear and very sad and there are tons of questions of why. But I don't think they'll ever be answered.

I just want to say thanks to everyone for the well wishes and support and prayers over the last couple months. It's been an exciting journey and I've gained a wealth of knowledge about the human body and the womans reproductive system...that's for sure. I'm sure my bum will be relieved that the shots will stop but I tell you - all 50+ shots were worth it.

Jill's going to schedule and appointment with Dr Acacio and see what he thinks the problem is. But I have offered Jill my "services" again and I'm ready to go at anytime. I want James and Jill to have a baby dangit!!!

So, that's it...

I'll keep updating this blog so check back often.

Love ya guys!
Zann

the big day...

It's here - the moment we've all been waiting for.

Poor Jill emailed me right as I was on the way out of the lab and all it said was :

"LONGEST DAY EVER...HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 2 DAYS."

I know the feeling. Last night, I had a hard time sleeping. I stayed up a lil' too late just thinking about the whole thing and then this morning, laid in bed for a long time while the boys just played. Part of me wanted to face the day in hopes that all goes as planned and my body has accepted the lil' embryo and is making a nice comfty home. And the other part of me just wants to hide in fear that something didn't go right. But I did it. I got myself out of bed, got the kids ready and dropped them off at daycare and headed to the lab. The lady recognized me as it was my 4th time in there and I was able to share with her what I was doing. So, she knew that I was coming in today for the 2nd beta test and could tell I was nervous. She made sure to tell me that the courier would be there at 11am to pick up the blood draws and they would alert the Dr's office this afternoon.

After I got Jill's email, I decided to just call her at work. Poor thing is so nervous. We talked for a few minutes and we'll talk later this afternoon once we get the results...

PRAY, FAST, HOPE, SAY SOME "HAIL MARY'S," CROSS YOUR FINGERS, WHATEVER YOU DO FOR LUCK THAT THIS WORKED!!!!

We need an Alcorn baby!!!

waiting sucks...

I honestly hate this...waiting sucks!!!

I have so many emotions involved in this and the waiting is just eating at me. I went in for the first of two beta tests today. I have the next one on Wednesday morning and hopefully that afternoon, they'll alert Dr Acacio's office who will then alert Jill what the outcome is.

I have such a variety of emotions going through me. I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm anxious, I'm scared, you name it - I'm probably feeling it.

We got together with James and Jill's family on Saturday and had a great time meeting everyone. A big thank you to everyone we met for just opening up your home and your family to us. We were so honored to be there. The boys had a blast as well and were so worn out by the time we got home. They slept pretty solidly that night, as did Scotty and I. So, thank you again. It was a pleasure meeting all of you.

I wanted to post last night but I'm glad I didn't. I was in a very somber mood I guess you can say and was putting Sebastien down for the night and like I said, I have so many emotions going on right now. I want this surrogacy thing to work out so bad. I want James and Jill to have a shot at being parents. I want them to experience what I get to experience everyday - the joy of a child. I think I've been so confident that this whole process was/is going to work that I really haven't taken the time to think about what if it doesn't. I HATE to think along those lines but I think now that we're getting closer to finding out, I'm scared of the outcome. I think I'll be devastated if it doesn't work out. See...didn't want to go there 'cos no need to be negative but I guess I am just getting out my thoughts.

Anyways - I just want to say a big thanks to everyone that is following this blog, to our families and friends (ours and James and Jills).

James and Jill - you have no idea how many people are holding out hope for you and saying prayers that this surrogacy took. So many prayers, so many well wishes. People you don't even know and probably will never know. I'm so proud to call them my friends and family. They have supported Scotty and I in our decision to help you guys and have offered help, meals, support all along the way.

That's it - being way too sappy! Way too emotional!

Here's to another 2 days of waiting...

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!

46 shots and the waiting game...

So, I had to empty out my handy SHARPS container (the thing that holds all my used needles)last night 'cos it was getting too full. Luckily Nurse Mara can take all the used ones off my hands and I don't have to find an EPA office or find somewhere that'll take them. As I was taking them out, I decided to count them...

46 Shots

Yowzers. I guess I can't complain 'cos it's really not a lot considering that Jill has gone through this 4 times and she even had to do a step that I didn't have to do which was the egg retreival. And I guess that's even more. But I wow'ed myself last night. 46 shots coming from someone who used to be somewhat afraid of needles. I guess I've gotten the hang of it. I still laugh though 'cos I have to cover my ears while I'm getting one...or at least till the needle goes in. Random, huh!

So, the waiting game has definitely started and let me tell you - I don't like waiting. I hate it to be honest. I'm on edge lately and just really ancy to find out what the results are going to be. I would assume we will know by next Thursday. As soon as I know or Jill knows - we will update. But for now, life continues on and we wait.

People keep asking how I'm feeling. I wish I could say "I FEEL PREGNANT" but I don't. I feel fine. I don't feel anything different, out of the ordinary. I just wish I had a lil' sign from my body that would encourage me that the lil' embryo stuck. But nope, nothing!!! I guess most surrogates don't really "feel" pregnant till about the 3rd week. I know when I was pregnant with the boys, it didn't set it till after I found out I was pregnant which was about 5 weeks. So, we'll see.

A Quick Update....

I know a lot of you are waiting patiently for an update so here's a quick one. We got to Dr Acacio's office yesterday afternoon right on time (after a great meal at El Torito Grill) and learned quickly that only one of the two embryos survived. It was a big shock for Jill and a big bummer. That means the chances are even lower but we are holding out hope that this lil embryo they transferred yesterday was strong and healthy and viable. The transfer was relatively easy and quick. The most uncomfortable thing is you have to come with a full bladder and then they use the ultrasound machine and push on your belly to where you just about pee. I think the transfer only took about 20 min from start to finish and then I laid in the room and got the full history of Jill's journey over the last three years while we waited for the okay. Finally, I was able to get dressed and we got our discharge instructions and we were gone.Bedrest is hard. Its not in me to relax and let people help me. I hate having to be on the couch and watching the boys play. But I'm doing it. Today is better than yesterday and I'm proud to say, I haven't gotten up from the couch in over 3hrs and almost dozed off while my mom took the boys for.a walk.So Jill left early this am as they got the keys to their new home on Wednesday afternoon and they are moving this weekend (hopefully before the snowstorm). It was great to see her and get the chance to really spend some time together. Its amazing how us girls have the gift of gab. :)Anyway, I'm on my blackberry and my fingers are cramping typing on this miniscule keyboard so I am signing odd for now. Oh oh oh funny thing. I forgot my memory card for my camera at home in Visalia and so Jill had her camera...or so we thought. She left it in her bag and when we were putting on out hairnets and booties, she realized it wasn't in her purse. Sorry guys...lol but I said no promises.Please pray that this lil embryo sticks. I really want James and Jill to have a shot at being some great parents. They deserve it.Love ya guys!!!

2 more days...

Can you believe it - 2 more days till the transfer? I can't believe it myself. Time has flown by so fast and I'm getting really excited and anxious. I never really think about it not working or the embryo(s) not sticking. I envision myself pregnant through the summer, sitting in the pool, relaxing. And I can't help be be drawn to the maternity section when I go shopping. Bad, huh? I just have a lot of high hopes for this and just really hope and pray that all goes well on Thursday and at the end of the month, we get a positive result on the pregnancy tests! Oh, I'm excited.

Jill and I have been told to be at Dr Acacio's office sometime between 11am-3pm on Thursday and that's still going to be narrowed down a lil' more. So, once I get the exact time, I'll let you all know. And, I can post from my blackberry so there's a possibility that you'll get a post from me and Jill in the Dr's office after the transfer. I have to remember how to do it. I'm also really going to try and remember my camera to take some pictures. I'm not making any promises though since I forget everything lately.

For those of you who are or aren't interested in the shots. They've been going okay. I started the nightly progesterone injections on Saturday and my friend Kasey did the first one. She was a pro. I do have to share something funny though. She's used to giving injections/vaccinations to lil' kids and babies. I showed her the needle and she looked shocked. She said "Do I have to stick it in all the way." I said "yep." She goes, "Wow, I'm not used to this big of a needle." But it went great. Well, by great, I don't mean "FANTASTIC," "OH THAT FELT GOOD," or "LET'S DO THAT AGAIN," but more so I didn't feel pain and she did it super fast. The shot I got on Friday night was pretty painful. It hurt to walk for about 2 days and it still hurts a lil' to cross my legs. I can just feel it. I have these tiny lil' purple bruises on my bum. It's kind of funny. Then the shot I got on Sunday night must have been right in the muscle and not so much in the fat 'cos that was pretty tender too. I emailed Jill on Monday and she recommened a heating pad on the site after the injection. I think I need to start trying that.

Anyway - 2 more days! Yippee!

a week from tomorrow...

Can you believe it? A week from tomorrow is the transfer date! I'm absolutely amazed that time has flown by so quickly and the date is right around the corner. I think Jill and I are both getting really anxious and are really excited to see how it pans out.

I think I mentioned before that Jill's going to fly in on the morning of the transfer and we'll meet up and just hang out till we have to be there. Her and I will go and say hi to the lil' embyro and wish it luck and then they'll do the transfer. I have to stay there for an hour or two after the transfer and then Jill and I will come back to my mom's house and have a slumber party while I am on complete bedrest for the next 2 days. Jill will fly back on Friday morning to meet up with James and move into their new house (yippee). My mom's going to help watch the boys those 2 days and then on Saturday, my mom will drive me back up to Visalia and help me out the rest of the weekend with my limited activity.

I'm excited and anxious about next week. I am thinking really positive about it and just praying that all is well. I've had to do a lot of bloodwork over the last couple of weeks. I went in for another U/S yesterday in Bakersfield. My estradiol level is in the high 300's (up from the last draw) but it needs to be up in the 800's. Dr Acacio is confident that increasing my dosage of the E2V for the next week will help me get to where I need to be. And the U/S yesterday confirmed that my lining is perfect. So, I'm excited to see this all pan out.

I can't remember if I posted this in the last one but I asked Jill a funny question - I wonder who they are going to tell first that the pregnancy stuck? It's Jill's baby...but I'm the one that's pregnant. Funny to think about. And for all those wondering - I thought I could take a HPT (home pregnancy test) to find out myself but they ask you not to take them. I guess your body is all out of whack with all the horomones that they are not accurate at all. They will do bloodwork 11-12 days after the transfer to find out if it stuck. They test my HCG levels and they have to double pretty much with every test. That's how we'll know.

Oh, I'm excited too - the day before Easter (I almost typed Thanksgiving...what am I thinking?), Scotty, myself and the boys have been invited to Jill's families Easter festivities. I'm really excited to meet everyone and I guess everyone is excited to meet us too. I think it'll be a blast.

Anyway - I guess that's it for now. Oh, I start the nightly injections of progesterone on the 8th which I think is Saturday night. And I'm not too stressed about them. The shots have been fine and I think I'm finally over my fear of needles. I even watched the lady draw my blood on Monday - usually I can't look. Maybe I'll finally make that dentist appointment that I've been so afraid of for the last ____ years (I'm too ashamed to tell you how long it's been).